After spending time in other Balkan countries, and now having spent a little time in amazing Budapest, I have come to see what really just didn’t work for me in Bucharest.

Environment

Romania is a beautiful country, and we found lots to enjoy in so many cities, but Bucharest needs some serious beautification efforts. There are some gorgeous structures, but most buildings are grey and/or dark. When combined with the Communist block style architecture, it adds to a feeling of oppressiveness.

Bucharest does parks well, though. Some of them are just amazing, and it’s hard to find their equal in many other parts of Europe.

Unfortunately, what is missing is a feeling of charm that other large cities in Europe, and even in Romania, have still retained. We expected Belgrade to appear much like Bucharest, especially considering the amount of bombing that happened not that long ago. But the Serbian capital still boasts a lot of charm.

We’ve been to other large cities in Romania, and they didn’t have the same oppressive feel that Bucharest displays.

Photo by Tigger

People

Our experience of Romanians is that they are very friendly people. They still are in Bucharest, but much less so than in other larger cities in the country. Initially, I just felt like it was because it’s such a big city. But the more I interacted with residents there, the more I realized it’s just Bucharest.

In most places we’ve been, the people have exhibited some local pride. They smile when they hear we’re interested in living or spending more time there. They seem honored that we love their city.

But in Bucharest, we were constantly looked at like we were insane.  “You want to live here? Why? We’re all trying to leave!”

I brushed it off at first, but after a couple of months of living in the city I began to wonder if maybe they were on to something. It actually started to feel uncomfortable, like I had to defend my madness.

I hadn’t realized how much it had impacted me until we were gone. When I told our taxi driver in Albania how beautiful his country was, I lit up when I saw his look of pride and could hear it in his voice. In Belgrade, when I told people we were considering moving there, their attitude was more like “But of course!”

It certainly feels more welcoming when people respond warmly to your news. I’ll never forget the look on Tigger’s doctor’s face when we said we were planning on living there long term. When the interpreter mentioned we had lived in Brasov, the doctor clearly decided that was the reason for our obvious insanity.

Going Back

In late July, we return to Romania. We left our luggage there, and we still love the country. But despite the convenience for travel’s sake, and the accessibility of more social activities, I just don’t see us staying in the city for long. Perhaps we’ll return to Serbia or spend time in another part of Romania or a neighboring country, but Bucharest just doesn’t work for me.

Tigger has less strong feelings than I do even though he felt “so much nostalgia” when we revisited Brasov during our stay.

Bucharest is a fine place to visit for a short time, but more than a couple of weeks is too much for me. Romania just has too many other nicer places for me to spend a lot of time in its capital, unfortunately.

Hindsight is often 20/20, no?

Me: Where would you like to meet?

Him: Anywhere but the old city.

Me: Why not the old city?

Him: I have too many friends that work there.

And then I remembered what it was like to live that far back in the closet.

Sure, as we’ve traveled I’ve had moments where I had to step back into the closet a bit for perceived safety reasons (which were really only situations created in my own mind), but I’ve only had to stand in the doorway. Some people are living so far back in there they can’t see the light of day.

And that’s incredibly sad.

When I grew up, living in the closet was a necessity if you wanted to remain in good health. Some people were able to live more authentically, but they were always in some sort of danger. It wasn’t uncommon to see someone show up at a support group with the telltale signs of having been queerbashed earlier in the week.

Police would frequently drive by gay clubs, take note of license plate numbers, and contact employers to let them know what sort of person was working for them.

My first friend who was truly out was Stu. His parents would regularly leave pamphlets on his bed that explained he was going to hell for being gay. He would roll his eyes and toss them in the trash. He was completely unfazed regarding who knew about his homosexuality and refused to live in hiding.

How I envied him, but I lacked the same courage.

I remember those earlier days of sitting in a restaurant with someone, usually a Denny’s for some reason, and having to lower our voices when we wanted to talk about certain things because you couldn’t risk being overheard and thus identifying yourself as “one of them.”

Today, I relived those memories vividly as I sat with this handsome young man. I had so many questions, but I couldn’t ask them. We were sitting in one of Bucharest’s typical smoke-filled cafes, and there were people on each side of us. They were too close. Too easy for us to be overhead, even though we were speaking in English.

My head hurt from having to carefully think through everything I wanted to say or ask while doing the precarious dance over the eggshell floor of homophobia and the closeted life.

As he would nervously glance at me, smile, and quickly look away, I wanted to tell him how much I enjoyed watching his eyes light up when he smiled. I held back the temptation to even just lightly touch his foot with mine or to comment on the stubble that graced his chin.

But you can’t do that with someone who lives in fear of being “caught” for being who they are.

Like for myself in so many ways, his imprisonment is of his own creation, but it isn’t my place to open that door for him. We all have to come to that place of our own accord.

I found myself almost thankful when it was time to go our separate ways. Not because I didn’t enjoy being with him, but because it just took so much energy trying to be someone else. It bothered me that I felt like I couldn’t safely give him a hug goodbye, even though I also hug my straight male friends.

It once again reminded me of how much energy we sometimes waste on trying to be someone or something else, of how grateful I am that I have so much more freedom than many others. If I’m somewhere I don’t like, I can just up and move. I don’t have to worry about alienating my friends and family when they discover I’m queer. I don’t have time, energy, or the desire to be anything but me.

That is an amazing liberty and luxury.

I look back at my life just over a decade ago and wish that I had found my wings much earlier. Not only would I have avoided hurting someone else (the woman I married while hoping and believing God would really cure me of being gay), but I could have lived so much more deeply.

And it makes me take a harder look at my choices to identify if I’m building any other self-imposed prisons around myself. Life’s really too damn precious and short to waste time on being someone else. Time to continue tearing down the ugly walls like lack of self worth, poor body image, etc.

Do you ever wonder what self-imposed prisons you’ve put yourself in? I challenge you to take an honest, hard look at your life and see where you need to free yourself.

For prices listed below, RON is the foreign exchange code for the Romanian currency; however, it is also known and written as leu (lei when it’s more than 1—1 leu, 3 lei). Lei is pronounced like the English word “lay.”

Buses, Trams, Trolleybuses

There isn’t much difference in terms of speed of transit between the various above-ground vehicles, but as it can change where you need to wait, let me give you a bit of a description.

Stops usually have a red and white sign indicating the name of the stop as well as listing which lines stop there. Always double check these signs as a few stops may share the same name (Aeroport Baneasa, for example) but be located quite a distance apart.

Buses

These are pretty much what you would expect to find anywhere else. In the winter they are heated, and in summer they are air conditioned. Sitting is limited availability. The newer buses have visual and audible displays that announce the upcoming destination as well as a visual indicator of which lines connect at that stop. The displays and voice don’t always work, so don’t count on your bus having that.

Buses will usually pull into the space created for them so that they are near the curb. However, often taxis and cars park in the spaces so that the bus has to remain in the flow of traffic. Sometimes there is a small shelter, but often your only hint that it is a stop is the presence of benches or how the curb curves inward from the street. The red and white sign isn’t always obvious.

Note: Routes that begin with an N indicate they are the late night routes which usually kick in after 11 PM.

Trams

In other areas of the world, these are often called trolleys. They are cars that follow rail tracks in the road. Sometimes their stop is located next to the curb, but often you wait on an island in the middle of the road. There are usually crosswalks leading to the island. They follow the flow of traffic, so it can be helpful to know which direction you’re heading so that you pick the right waiting spot.

Unfortunately, these can be a bit of a rough ride, are often noisy, and it isn’t uncommon for them to have a strong scent of urine.

Trolleybuses

These are buses that run along elevated electrical wires. Because of this, they generally stop in the road rather than next to a curb.

Fares

Like many cities, they do not use paper tickets, and the drivers will not accept cash. Instead, you need to pick up an Activ card. They’re super easy to use, but lately it has been a challenge to find anywhere that sells them! Near stops, you’ll often spot a grey and white kiosk. These are the places where you can recharge (put more money on) your card. Some of them sell new Activ cards.

To get a new card, you want to go to a kiosk with a sign that includes the word “centru de emitere” on the sign. Any kiosk can recharge a card, though. Just don’t be surprised if you visit a kiosk that doesn’t have new Activ cards. Hopefully this issue will be resolved soon.

So what do you do if you can’t find a card? Well, either take a taxi or go ahead and ride. It is pretty rare for the company’s inspectors to ask for your card (although it does happen). If you explain the problem, likely it won’t be an issue since the lack of availability of the cards is well known. The fine, however, is 50 RON (under $12 USD). It’s rare to see locals even using the cards.

I’ve had many expats tell me not to even bother getting a card, but I disagree with that. We’re guests here, so I believe we should try extra hard to follow the laws. If you try to get a card and can’t find one, that’s a different issue.

For most routes, the fee is 1.3 RON (about 31 cents USD). The express routes (buses to/from the international airport) charge 3.5 RON.

Children under 7 years old ride for free.

Older kids are eligible for discounted fares, but I can pretty much guarantee you the effort is probably not worth it. If you’re going to attempt it, get a Romanian-speaking friend to accompany you because many of the kiosk staff do not speak English. You will need to bring some documentation with you if you decide to make yourself crazy try to get the special discount.

One card can be shared between multiple people.

If you have a Romanian phone provider, you can get tickets by SMS; however, they are more expensive. They are essentially a full day pass, but you’d have to take more than 6 trips within a 24-hour period to make it financially feasible.

The SMS ticket does not work for the express buses.

Helpful sites

Google Maps is actually pretty helpful. Their information is mostly accurate (occasionally their number of stops is off). If you’ll have data for your phone, you definitely want this app on your phone (for iPhones).

Note: Google sometimes gives you really weird travel times. For instance, it will say it’s a 54-minute trip, but if you do the math on the time estimates it lists for walking to the stop, completing the ride, and walking to your destination, the difference can be huge (sometimes even 30 minutes less!). So focus on the actual walk and ride times instead of the time it initially lists near the clock icon.

This website is pretty good as an online planner, although I feel like Google Maps is a little less confusing. The transport company also has an app (Android/Apple). After comparing it with Google Maps for over a month, though, I haven’t found it to be much of an advantage. It does list the various routes along with maps and a list of stops, which can be helpful, but that’s really the only pro beyond Google’s app. Frankly, I’m not sure it’s worth downloading.

If you want an SMS ticket, you can also purchase it through the above app.

Metro

Bucharest’s metro system is really good for getting around the center of town. One of the big advantages is that it isn’t hampered by the city’s rather congested traffic.

Again, it’s very affordable. One ticket is 5 lei (about $1.22 USD) and is good for 2 trips. If you plan on using the metro a lot, you can pick up a 10-trip ticket for only 20 lei, and a daily pass (unlimited trips within a 24-hour period) is 8 lei. There are multiple options for metro tickets.

Note: The metro prices increased on March 28, 2015. The above prices have been updated to reflect that change.

Unfortunately, there isn’t currently a combined pass/ticket that works on both the bus and metro systems.

When it’s rush hour, it’s a great idea to use the metro system as much as possible.

The older trains usually do not have any announcements or displays, but they do have maps so you can at least count the number of stops. The newer trains offer visual and auditory notifications and are bilingual (Romanian and English).

Taxis

These are fairly cheap in Bucharest. Most of them will automatically use the meter so it tends to be hassle-free. The only time I’ve really experienced issues is at the train station. There is a line right by the entrance, and they tend to be more aggressive, especially if they pin you as a foreigner. These drivers will usually overcharge you. If you cross this area, you’ll see another line of taxis. These will usually turn the meter on and not give you a problem.

Generally speaking, you will need cash. The premium taxis (Mercedes Benz) will accept credit cards (and you don’t need a card with a chip), but you’re paying almost 3 times the normal rate for that privilege.

Taxis are usually easily flagged down, but you will often see a bunch parked waiting for customers.

Apps for ordering taxis are quite popular in the area, and some of them are very handy. Many people recommend one called Speed Taxi. In my experience, however, it rarely ever functions well. I’ve actually yet to get a taxi through their app.

Instead, I recommend the Meridian app (Apple). This is much easier to use and more reliable. There is also a cost control measure you can activate once you’re picked up so that you can make sure you are being charged correctly.

Key

Nr = Street address (just enter the number as the street is already listed above via GPS)

Bl. numar = If your pickup location address contains “Bl” or “bloc,” enter this number here, otherwise leave blank.

Scara = This is the door number for the apartment block. It is sometimes abbreviated as “Sc” above the entrance.

Mesaj. . . = You can enter a special message for the driver. Most of them speak a decent level of English.

Click on icons that are appropriate to your situation (such as the suitcase icon if you have luggage)

Once you’ve entered this information, click on Trimite comanda. This begins the taxi location function. Once one accepts (usually about 1-2 minutes), their car will appear on the map so you can track it. It will give you the estimated arrival time and will also show you the taxi number so you know when it pulls up if that is the one you summoned.

We live about 30-40 minutes from the city center, and when we take a taxi I usually only pay around 15 RON. Around the city center, you can expect to pay around 3-7 lei. Pretty darn reasonable.

Airport Transfers

You have a few options to get to the city from the airport and vice versa.

Bus

This takes about 45 minutes to get into the center of town/train station (see above for fares). There are 2 buses that make this route—780 and 783. The 780 goes to the Bucharest train station and main bus terminal (for intercity and international travel) while the 783 goes to the city center.

You can view their time schedule and stops here.

The bus stops in front of the arrival and departure terminals. Allegedly, you can buy a ticket at the counter in front of the arrivals terminal, but I think they’re currently being affected by the same card problem as the regular city buses. Make sure you at least try before boarding the bus, though.

Taxi

You will see a line of taxis waiting at the arrivals area. These will generally charge you almost 3 times more than taxis you order from the yellow machines near the door. If you order a taxi, you’ll have a longer wait, but it could be worth the savings if you’re making a longer journey.

Probably your best bet, if this is your preferred method of transport and you don’t want to wait as long, is to go to the departure area and get a taxi that is dropping someone off. You’ll get the 1.4/km RON rate and far less hassle as they’ll likely be happy to get a paid fare to return to the city.

Train

Lastly, there is a train to/from the airport. You have to transfer via shuttle bus to get from the train station/airport. It costs about twice as much as the bus and takes the same amount of time, or even more, when you factor in the shuttle transfer.

It also doesn’t run as late as the bus.

Personally, I’d stick with the express bus.

What else would you like to know about public transportation in Bucharest?

We’ve been back in Romania for about a month now. As we stepped off the plane, we looked at each other and said “It’s nice to be home.”

Our biggest challenge has been trying to settle on a city to live in. The last time we were in Romania, we checked out a bunch of cities and ended up choosing to remain in Brasov as Tigger wanted to live in a smaller city. After a couple of months in Brasov, I felt the challenges of living in a smaller town more.

While I’ve spent most of my life in smaller towns, I’ve always been close enough to a big city that it worked out well. With Brasov being a 2 hour 45-minute train ride from Bucharest, it isn’t nearly as convenient as I’d like. I’ve grown to appreciate larger cities and love being somewhere that has a lot of events, cultural opportunities, choices in food, better shopping, etc. And since we are still traveling, just taking fewer and shorter trips, we really need to be closer to an airport.

Living almost 3 hours away from an international airport just doesn’t appeal to me.

We moved around Bucharest for a few weeks before finding a place we liked enough to stay for at least a month. We’re a bit north of the city now. It’s kind of nice, though, as we can get downtown in about 20 minutes but we’re away from the hustle and bustle. And it’s only about a 15-minute bus ride to the airport.

Bucharest hasn’t stolen our hearts in the way Brasov did, though. It just doesn’t have the quaint charm we loved so much there. So we’ve wrestled with the decision about where to stay. We recently returned to Brasov, along with some friends (another traveling family), and in some ways it challenged my resolve to remain in Bucharest.

It completely changed Tigger’s decision.

As we rode the train back to Bucharest, I couldn’t help think of how much variety we have here and how many social opportunities exist in Bucharest. Last week, if I had wanted I could’ve been out at least 4 nights being in some group or other.

We just don’t have that same possibility in a smaller town.

Then there is the access to many restaurants. In fact, the shawarma place that is across the street from our apartment has the best shawarma I’ve ever tasted. There is a decent Mexican place that isn’t far away, as well as other ethnic cuisines that I would not be able to find in Brasov.

And when you compare 15 minutes to more than 3 hours from the airport. . .

As Tigger and I discussed it, he agreed that Bucharest was probably a better fit even though we adore Brasov. Besides, nothing says we can’t do a monthly 2-day trip up to Brasov. It can be our regular little getaway from the city.

Ongoing Travel

Now that we kind of have a base and kind of know where we’ll be for awhile, I’ve been able to secure some press trips and to take part in some campaigns that should hopefully include some interesting travel opportunities. In May, it will be time to refresh our allotted time in the country, so we are hopping over to Italy for a few days. It’s so fun to be able to just up and visit another country for a few days. Our plane tickets, which included priority boarding for 2 people each way, were less than $170 USD for the roundtrip journey.

We’re going to give Wizz Air another try. *crosses fingers*

In July, we’re going to Paris to celebrate my birthday and from there we’re heading to Luxembourg for a few days before returning to Bucharest.

We’ve accepted a house sit caring for a couple of cats outside London at the end of December, so we’ll get to enjoy the London Christmas markets. We may head up to Scotland for New Year’s. Or Ireland. Or somewhere else.

We’re both enjoying being able to be more settled and to be able to travel with carry-ons only. And after all these years of bouncing around the world, it’s nice to have a place to return to at the end of a trip, to have a place where you feel you belong.

Going home is rather enjoyable.

Please tell my readers a little about yourself including your name, age, and anything else you think would be helpful.

I came out more than a decade ago to some colleagues, friends, and then to my siblings. Unfortunately, to some people I still have to stay for a while in the closet because of certain reasons (let’s say business-wise). Consequently, let’s say my name is Iulia.

I’ve turned 43 this summer, I come from a poor family and I am the old brother. Despite my folks’ status, I’ve managed to surpass it, so I am a post-graduate of a Communication and PR College. I’m what Americans would call a “self-made man,” but it was God who gave me all I had to make of myself what I am.

At what point did you realize you were gay, and did it take you a while to accept it?

I knew from my early childhood that there is something (ineffable…) which attracted me to boys and men, not girls and women. During the winter holiday of my 6th grade, I had my first homoerotic experience with one of my brothers-in-law, which continued for years after with another 2-3. As a matter of fact, I’ve been strongly attracted in my adolescence and early youth by men, although I would experience heterosexual relationships until I finally realized I couldn’t lie myself and the women for good. That was when I was 31 and, eventually, even 40 (!). So, what I’m trying to say is that all the back and forth “movements” in my life between an assumed gay life might prove that it wasn’t easy at all to accept my homosexuality in a certain historical context, i.e., Romania nowadays (and all those days).

Romania is a religiously conservative country. What role has religion played in your life growing up, and what role does it play for you as an adult now?

I used to be an atheist until I was 18, when I realized that there must be something up there who helped me to be accepted into college. Nonetheless, the social pressure (i.e,. the Christian “morality”) was pretty strong, and this feeling of “something is wrong with me” and the fear that I would be eventually punished by God for being “a sinner” was kind of unpleasant, anxious, and anguishing. After the revolution in December 1989, my religious views kind of changed. I had myself a short period of attending each and every Sunday liturgy, but that finished when I crazily fell in love for the first time with a man.

Then, again, over the last years I “switched” from being a non-practicing Orthodox to living according to the Oriental / New Age philosophy of love, acceptance, and Zen mood. At least I try it every day. So, buh-bye old bullshit about being a sinner for simply being a gay!

Are you able to be out with your family members? Coworkers?

As previously stated, I came out to my younger siblings almost a decade ago and to some colleagues as well, but to those ones whom I had closer relationships with (out of office). Nevertheless, I still think my parents rather prefer to lie to themselves that I will marry a woman someday, despite knowing I used to share an apartment with my ex-lovers ever since the beginning of the 2000s.

From another perspective, if I didn’t care about my parents’ “shame in front of people,” I would come out – maybe publicly – the very next second. So, since I have to protect them, I think I must postpone my total coming out until my parents leave this (stupid) world.

I’ve read that Romanian men can be so closeted that even if you spot them making out with another man in a club they’ll deny they’re gay or bi. What has your experience been?

Happily, I have never ever been asked “Are you gay?” by a person whom I didn’t feel comfortable to say “yes, I am.” So, bottom line, I haven’t had to lie. But when it comes to finding someone in a gay place (be it a club or whatever) who denies that s/he was gay while everyone or most of the others know for sure s/he was for sure, is so embarrassingly stupid for me. Eventually, it’s so sad to accept that some are so really terrified by their homosexual status to that extent that they have to put themselves at shame by denying in so many contexts.

How difficult is it for a gay man to live in Romania? You’re in Bucharest, which is a big city. Do you feel that life in Bucharest is different for a gay person than in other large cities in the country?

Yes and no. Things are so different nowadays compared to 10 or 20 years ago. I remember how dangerous it was in the 90s (and the early 2000s sometimes) to be a gay even in Bucharest. Put aside the social pressure (which kind of condemned you to keep lying and inventing “edible” scenarios about your private life!), it was the police who made your life hard by regular raids, then the homophobic guys who would beat you in the cruising areas or, worse, in the front of “gay bars” (not that we had in Bucharest more than one), and so on. The society as a whole was not open or prepared to “deal” with this indigestible matter of homosexuality. But things have changed a lot – for the better – over the last decade(s), and people are more and more liberal nowadays. And, yes, it seems it is a bit easier for a gay to live in Bucharest than in other big cities, save the Transylvanian ones, such as Cluj-Napoca, Timisoara, Brasov, etc. In my opinion, people are smarter there and more open than in the other historical provinces of Romania: Wallachia, Moldavia, and Dobruja.

Do you ever feel concerned for your safety when visiting a gay club or going on a date? How do you deal with relationships in a place where being closeted is the norm?

Not anymore when it comes to going to “the only gay club in the village (of Bucharest!)”, but “yes” if it was about a date, precisely what they call “public display of affection”. It is – sometimes unbearably so – frustrating for gay couples (esp. men) to be out of home and having to refrain from going hand in hand, not to say caressing or – God forbid – kissing. So, unfortunately and unhappily, provided you don’t want to be spit on or even beaten in the street, you’d better postpone your tender gestures for home or for hidden places. All over Romania.

Do you find it difficult to find men to date? If you and a partner wanted to live together, what precautions do you feel would be necessary?

Oh, no, finding plenty of men to date (I’d honestly, rather call it “getting laid”) is so easy nowadays thanks to the Internet and Information & Communication Technology. Of course, it is a matter of personal taste (I am not at all a fan of virtual meetings and hook ups), but it is better than nothing.

On the other hand, it seems that in Bucharest and big cities it was pretty simple, safe, and usual for two men to live together ever since the last decade or a bit earlier. I can remember that I started to share an apartment with my first BF in 1996 or so and apparently nobody complained. It was first because esp. the students used to do it, and – ironically – for such a conservative society like the Romanians used to be (and still is), it was understandable and acceptable because of pecuniary reasons.

Nonetheless, some precautions would be necessary when a male couple lives together, and especially regarding their families first of all and then the colleagues, who are both very curious and inquisitorial.

According to some surveys, Romanians dislike homosexuals only marginally less than the Roma. What has been your experience?

Well, I hope your (open-minded) readers would find this story as funny as I remember it. It was this break between two courses when I was a student, and during a small chat one of my colleagues asked, rhetorically: “I wonder how does it feel to be a Roma, a gay and a Jew at the same time.” And I had to say – unfortunately just to myself at that time – “Damn it, if I was a Hebrew, I would have said to him “Ask me!”

To be more precise, I am a Roma, and being also a gay was sad in the beginning, but at some point I chose to turn it to laughter and make fun of it. Yes, it was a burden for a while, but it’s not anymore. And I know for sure I was lucky, because not so many Roma gay people could “afford” such a (relaxed) attitude.

What advice would you give an LGBT foreigner who wanted to move to Romania?

First of all, I would recommend him or her to be very selective when it comes to coming out. Basically, s/he should give himself/herself time enough to get to know the “friends,” the colleagues, the next-door neighbors and even business partners. And then to come out only – and I mean only – if this personal, intimate aspect of his/her life is relevant to the others or beneficial for the relationship itself. Of course, if he was a drag queen or a very effeminate man, or if she was a butch, question marks might arise from the “environment.” In most of the cases nobody will ask you questions, but you never know: the old lady or – surprisingly – the younger one living next door might be intrusive. To avoid that, you’d better keep smiling and saying “hello” every day, but that’s all, folks. And, by the way, it is not that Romanians are repulsive, but it’s just a cultural difference: expect them not to smile or express happiness in case you show up on their front door with “a little something” when moving in next door. Some might refuse you because it never happened to them before.

Then, again, the Romanian society started to change for worse ever since the 1990s, and I mean we became more and more… Western or, pardon my French, alien. What I’m trying to say is that – esp. in the blocks of flats – people rarely know the neighbor next door, seldom interact one with each other and so on. Consequently, one should not be afraid of being gay or having a same-sex household anymore. However, there is a good part of the “Americanization” of Romanian society, which consists in the fact that since the Romanian John Doe had the opportunity to watch so many movies, soap operas, sitcoms and you name it, he had more chances to be more and more aware of this little thing called “homosexuality” or “being gay.” All of these kind of forced him to approach reality from different perspectives and – eventually – become more open-minded. Or not.

Last, but not the least, he (cause it doesn’t necessarily apply to women) should be very careful and rather restrained when it comes to – yes, you’ve already guessed it – the public display of affection. It’s sad, but it’s true. No country is perfect.

When you have a partner, are you able to be open about it with your family? Do they accept him in gatherings, for example, or is he “just a friend/flatmate”?

I used to take my partners to my parents’ place ever since 1993 when I got involved in my first gay relationship. Unfortunately, despite my parents liking them and knowing we (my partner and I) lived together all the time, I never told the naked truth. As I said before, I think my parents are not ready or willing to face the truth that their oldest son is gay. I’m pretty sure they would love me the same way they do now, but they never showed a “sign” of being open and/or intersted to approach the matter. Yet, my siblings kept inviting my partner and me to their places and vice versa ever since.

But I ought to say that – happily – I know some luckier (or braver?) guys who, once they came out to their families, their folks were pretty open and accepted the gay couple into their family to attend the gatherings, the Sunday lunche,s and so on. At the other end of the scale, I have heard of unfortunate guys who were almost literarily thrown in the street right after they came out to their parents. I also have close friends who live a secret life to their parents and/or entire families, lying to them all the way. Even my partner keeps pretending in front of his mother that he is in a relationship with a woman!

What are your thoughts about the life of gay people in Romania?

After the interviews I did with gay people living in Malaysia, I received many requests to continue the series in other countries where it can be challenging to be gay. In a country where people feel they have to remain deeply embedded in the closet, it can be tough finding someone who is willing to speak about their experiences, even anonymously. Thankfully, “C,” a young gay man living in western Romania has stepped forward.

Please tell our readers a little about yourself including your name, age, and anything else you think would be helpful.

C, 22 years old and still in the closet. The only people that know about me are my parents, who are embarrassed and don’t accept the situation. Living a quiet life after a disappointing relationship.

At what point did you realize you were gay, and did it take you a while to accept it?

I think I knew about this when I was 6 or 7 years old, but I didn’t know how to name it. At around 17-18 I knew that I was gay. The way I found out was that I felt attraction for a teacher from school.

Romania is a religiously conservative country. What role has religion played in your life growing up, and what role does it play for you as an adult now?

My family wasn’t a very religious one. Everyone had their own beliefs. My father is atheist, my sister the same, and I’m the same. We never went to church, and we weren’t connected to the church. I was baptized Catholic but that’s all. Now it’s the same thing, I don’t find any connection with religion.

Are you able to be out with your family members? Coworkers?

My family found out some months ago, but they don’t like it. They don’t accept it, and they don’t want to speak about it. My sister and my father are not talking to me now. Nobody else in Romania knows about me. Outside, I have friends that know the truth.

When my mother found out, she told me that she had pills (like vitamins) for the family, and she put together a list of psychologists for me to see.

I’ve read that Romanian men can be so closeted that even if you spot them making out with another man in a club they’ll deny they’re gay or bi. What has your experience been?

I agree with this. For example, on online gay sites everybody that’s over 35 lists himself as married to hide better. Nobody wants to share a picture because they are scared of being made public. But this probably happens because until 1995 (I might be wrong with 1-2 years) being gay was forbidden and everybody that admitted it was jailed.

Knowing somebody in Romania is very difficult. As I said, nobody wants to speak or reveal his identity. I was in a relationship with somebody for a while, but it was online 95% of time because of his social status. When we used to meet we were flying somewhere in Europe to have more freedom. I later found out he was married with children.

How difficult is it for a gay man to live in Romania? You’re in a larger city. Do you feel that life where you live is different for a gay person than in other large cities in the country?

Bucharest is a bit different. It has more tourists and people coming for business than in other cities in Romania. The diversity brings more gay people, so the opportunity of meeting somebody (for sex or relationships) is bigger than in the other parts of the country.

When it comes to difficulties, imagine that in 22 years in Romania I haven’t seen more than 3 gay couples on the street. Why? Because the effect of appearing in public as gay could be devastating for yourself—risk of being beaten, lose your job, friends, etc.

Do you ever feel concerned for your safety when visiting a gay club or going on a date? How do you deal with relationships in a place where being closeted is the norm?

I don’t live for the gay life. I prefer my quiet life, so I don’t really go to gay clubs. But I would go on a date without hesitation. It’s nice to meet somebody and to try to build something together. For the right person I would do anything to have a normal relationship, even if I would avoid showing this in public. If there will ever be an opportunity, I think that living in another country would be the best thing. I am not desperate about this, but I think that having somebody is something that could boost the quality of my life.

Do you find it difficult to find men to date? If you and a partner wanted to live together, what precautions do you feel would be necessary?

Yes. It’s always hard to find somebody in Romania. I don’t know if I’m too picky and maybe look for men in a very restricted niche.

Living together is possible. Everybody in Romania (especially fresh graduates) tend to share a flat because the prices of 2- to 3-room flats are cheaper than 1-room flats. I would definitely try to avoid kissing in public, holding hands or anything that could show my sexual orientation, though.

According to some surveys, Romanians dislike homosexuals only marginally less than the Roma. What has been your experience?

I think that gays are hated in Romania even more than the Roma people.

What advice would you give an LGBT foreigner who wanted to move to Romania?

Dating is OK, especially in Bucharest, but Romanians are known as scammers all over the world so try to be careful. Avoid kissing, holding hands, or cuddling in public. Anything else is fine.

We’d like to thank C for sharing a glimpse of what it’s like to be a gay man in Romania. It definitely has me thinking about some things.

Romania has been an unexpected surprise really. I figured I would like it, but I didn’t anticipate completely falling in love with the country. Even though it does need to get past that whole homophobia thing.

I think the biggest surprise was enjoying the food so much! In my mind, I expected lots of potatoes and bland dishes. Boy was I wrong! The food has been incredibly flavorful. The produce is the best I’ve had. Even Tigger fell in love with it all and has eaten things I couldn’t get him to before “because the food tastes so good here!”

When I asked Tigger what his favorite part of Romania has been, he didn’t pause an instant before replying, “The food!”

I had expected the people to be on the cold side. Sure, you’ll find some of them here, just like anywhere else, but for the most part I’ve found Romanians to be friendly, helpful, and kind.

I absolutely adore the blend of old and new, and how it’s like stepping into the past whenever you travel outside of the bigger cities. Sometimes even just by crossing the street in a city.

Grocery shopping has often been a bit of an adventure. There are about 50 different types of sugar in the store. Trying to find cream will go down as my #1 shopping memory in Brasov, though. I still laugh about standing in the dairy aisle staring at containers, my phone with the translation app in hand, trying to figure out which one was cream only to discover it is kept in the aisle with the boxed and unrefrigerated UHT milk.

I’ll also remember our joy at finding taco shells, even if the box did cost about $6 USD, and tortillas for burritos.

And it’s hard to be unhappy with stores consistently having 2 sides of an aisle loaded with different types of chocolate. Can we say dark chocolate with black salt? Oh. My. Gawd.

Although, I’m not sure why Romanians don’t seem to like peppermint or licorice.

There is so much culture and history in this country, and I love how mixed and varied the language is. Talk about a melting pot!

I will also miss stepping into Brasov’s historic town square to find something new, be it a surprise market, a 12-meter Christmas tree and lights, or some new festival.

Brasov has been the first place in a long time that has felt like home. It’s been a great place to just chill and enjoy the comforts of being “home.” And I can’t complain about the low prices for things either. Having a full kitchen and being in a place that sells whole turkeys made this year’s Thanksgiving even more enjoyable.

It’s hard to say goodbye to Romania, and especially Brasov, but at the same time we’re ready to hit the road again and experience new places, cultures, foods, and all that good stuff.

But don’t fret, Romania. It probably isn’t farewell, but more like until we meet again! No matter what, though, this place will always hold a special place in our heart.

Have you considered adding Romania to your list of places to see? If not, why?

While looking at hotels for the area, I found a really decent price ($75 USD per night, which included a very nice breakfast buffet) for the 4-star Ramada. We rarely ever do a big splurge, but I figured why not! Since this was a 2-night trip, we decided to make it a “vacation.” Complete with room service and helping myself to the mini bar the 1st night.

Sibiu has been a city since the 12th century. It served as the Saxon capital of Transylvania in its earlier days. It also holds some interesting claims:

• It was the site of many firsts for the Kingdom of Hungary: first school, pharmacy, hospital, paper mill. It was also the site of the printing of the first book in the Romanian language.
• Methane gas was discovered near here, as well as the element tellurium.
• The first zoo in Romania was opened here.
• The German population in the city outnumbered the Romanian population until the 1940s. You will still find plenty of signs in both German and Romanian throughout the city.

Like many cities in Europe the medieval area of town remains quaint and is in stark contrast to the modern sections, although the old town here is much larger than many other similar situations I’ve seen in other Romanian cities. It’s easy to tell that Sibiu was an important place during its initial time period.

The houses in the old town have an unusual common feature: They look like they have eyes on their roofs.

Supposedly the Saxons built the homes this way so that people who were inclined to disobey their laws would feel like they were constantly being spied on. I’m not sure how true it is, but I haven’t found a reliable source. With the prevalence of these structures, it does seem to at least be intentional. Tigger was the one who brought it to my attention. I hadn’t even noticed! As we walked, I started looking at the roofs and saw that almost every building had them.

This is the popular Liars Bridge or Bridge of Lies. Supposedly, it got its name from the nearby hagglers who would tell tall tales and because of the many proclamations of undying love uttered upon this structure. The original bridge, which earned the name, was wooden which was replaced with this metal one in 1859.

The train ride from Brasov lasts about 2-1/2 hours; however, the train schedule interferes with making this a day trip unless you like catching trains at 5:30 AM. While there are some other things to see and do in the city other than the medieval area, they just aren’t that big of a draw. Two to 3 days is really more than enough to plan for a trip.

If you do want to make it a day trip and enjoy not beating the sun up, I would suggest taking a bus. The bus journey is about the same duration as the train, but it runs much more frequently throughout the day making it easier for a same-day return.

I can’t really give any restaurant recommendations since we ate breakfast and dinner at the hotel both nights.

Have you been to Sibiu? Do you have any recommendations for places to visit or where to eat?

The church in Prejmer was built in the early 13th century. The town was invaded many times by various groups, but the fortress was only captured once, in 1611.

This church is one of the best preserved of its kind in Eastern Europe, which makes it a bit unique.

The fortress was designed so that all the families in the town could enter and stay there throughout a siege. There were cellars with four levels of apartments built above them for all the families, and they had enough supplies to withstand a long siege. The church was the core building, naturally.

The Prejmer fort is a UNESCO World Heritage site, and is one of seven fortified churches within Transylvania to receive this designation.

It can be seen as a short day trip from Brasov. Two train systems (Regiotrans and CFR) stop in this sleepy town. The fares are the same, and the schedule is scattered between the two providers to offer flexible options. There are also buses that run between Brasov and Prejmer. This is a good thing since really there is nothing else to see in Prejmer other than the fortress. You probably won’t want to wait around for 3 hours if you don’t have to.

But, if you enjoy checking out rural towns, you can certainly spend a decent amount of time walking around the village. There are several smoke-filled cafes. It can be interesting just walking around because you get a very vivid idea of what rural life in Romania is like. Prejmer is not set up at all for tourism.

Getting to the medieval church

If you have come by train, walk out to the road and turn right. If you walk at a leisurely pace, you will arrive at the church in about 25 minutes. The bus drops you off in the center of town, which is where the fortress is located.

There is a small admission fee to enter the complex. It was 8 RON for adults or about $2.40 USD (children are half off) when we visited.

The train fare is 4 RON per person one way. Bus fares aren’t available online for me to research, but they are usually around the same fares as the train for a short distance like this. If you are taking the Regiotrans train from Prejmer, you will purchase your ticket on the train.

A taxi would cost around 40 RON. Since it doesn’t take a long time to view the complex (around 30 minutes), you might wish to arrange a fare with the driver that includes him waiting for you. Otherwise, it might be complicated getting a taxi from Prejmer to Brasov. Keep in mind, you may have to pay double the meter fare since you may be required to also pay for the driver’s return trip, so it’s a good idea to work out a deal with the driver directly if you want to do this visit by taxi.

Do you seek out a medieval church when you travel to Europe?

Fellow travel bloggers Travis and Calli of Have Blog Will Travel joined us on our trip. It’s always more fun to do things with people whose company you enjoy.

Getting there

There are a few options for getting to Rasnov. To me the easiest is to catch the train (operated by Regiotrans, a private company). The fare is 4 RON per person (about $1.22 USD) each way. When you enter the gara, or train station, you will find their ticket window on your left in the corner closest to you. Trains run almost every hour, and the ride only lasts about 28 minutes.

Alternatively, you can also take the bus from autogara 2. The fare is about 2.70 RON. This isn’t as convenient an option as you will most likely need to take 2 different public buses to get to this station.

Personally, I’d take the train.

You can also take a taxi, which will cost you at least 40 RON. Make sure to settle on a rate before you leave. If you are charged more than the meter, it is standard as you have to pay for the taxi’s return to Brasov.

Things to do

Rasnov is really quite a cool little town. It has a very different feel and vibe to it than its larger neighbor. The city is growing as it is cheaper than the county seat and is still quite easy and cheap to commute to and from. It is also very close to the larger mountain ranges.

Hiking

There are plenty of wooded trails easily accessible from the train station. The mountains are absolutely gorgeous, and the woods are quite inviting. Judging from the trails we saw, I’d also say that some are going to give you a very good workout.

Rasnov Fortress (Cetatea Rasnov)

The citadel is believed to have been built early in the 13th century. In its history, it was only conquered once, in 1612. When you see the hill it sits upon, it isn’t hard to imagine that it would have presented a formidable challenge to any invading force.

There is a tractor-pulled wagon “train” that leads you up the long hill climb to the fortress. You’re welcome to walk, of course, but the train is 4 RON if you decide to spare your knees.

Admission to the fortress is 10 RON for adults (about $3 USD) and students/children receive a 50% discount.

The fortress closes at 5 PM, so you’ll want to arrive early enough to explore it. The fortress can be adequately explored within 30 minutes, but you might want more to time to enjoy the surroundings and visit the shops.

Make sure to bring your camera. There are some astounding views from the citadel.

You can also try your hand at archery while at the citadel.

The fortress is a decent walk from the train station (about 40 minutes). A taxi will charge about 7 RON.

Cave

Up the road from the fortress you’ll find Pestera Valea Cetatii. This is a rather small cave found inside the mountain. The walk up to the cave is a decent challenge. It is quite steep in parts. When you get to the fork allowing you to follow the pathway or go up the stairs onto a wooden platform, I’d recommend the platform. It’s a lot less steep.

Admission is 15 RON for adults and 10 for students/children. You are accompanied by a guide (they do have English speakers), and the tour is really quite short.

Frankly, if you’ve seen other caves, I wouldn’t bother with this one. Although, they do have a fun zip line which is only 10 RON.

However, they do have concerts from the philharmonic and other classical musicians from time to time, and that might be a pretty cool experience. The admission for that is quite a bit more at 40 RON. (Keep in mind really good seats at the philharmonic in Brasnov cost 20 RON.)

Camping

There are some absolutely beautiful places when the weather is right.

Winter activities

There are 3 ski jumps if you’re crazy and/or brave. Although, you’re welcome to just hang out and watch competitors practice. There are also some really great areas for cross country skiing. In fact, the winter European Youth Olympics were held in Rasnov.

We’ll definitely be going back to explore it more. When you plan your visit to Brasov, I highly recommend planning at least a day to check out Rasnov. It’s definitely worth a visit.