66 responses

  1. Anatasia
    July 24, 2016

    is gay non muslim malaysian legal?

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      July 24, 2016

      No. The law is applied to everyone in Malaysia. Although enforcement is another matter sometimes.

      Reply

  2. tayyeb
    May 6, 2015

    I was a foreign student at a Malaysian university in the early nineties and had a wonderful relationship with a Malay guy for 5 years.because both of us were Muslim it made things easier and difficult at the same time.I left Malaysia and like all good Malaysfor eventually got married.I still love him and he me but in respect for religion and culture we left it there,because Malays prefer appearance and balance more.this is with most Asian people.

    Reply

  3. isaac
    October 4, 2014

    hi, im GAy muslim and also from malaysia. somehow in my opinion,i think most people like us having a hard situation for being homosexual living against the law but still devout to our religion.In fact, there are many people like us out there that wrapth their sexual orientation from known by the community.
    People will not suspect us as being gay just because we hang out together(men and men)but still they will if we get touch each other.

    sorry for my bad engslish ..btw thanks for sharing

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      October 4, 2014

      I’m sure it’s very hard to try to be yourself and faithfully practice your religion when you’re something other than straight. Even harder when laws are against you.

      Reply

    • Mr Todd
      January 8, 2015

      Issac…..glad you can be yourself. If you not act like a SISTER and just live a normal daily life I think you will be fine. Ever have a question just email me. I am 57 and have been out for 30 years,,,,and, a retired USA Polis.

      Reply

      • nima rabten
        September 8, 2017

        Hi
        I am Bhutanese famine gay and soon I am going to Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur?) to study and work for 3 years. So will life be hard as a Bhutanese gay and I am famine

        Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        September 9, 2017

        I don’t know what a “family gay” is so I can’t address that question. Generally speaking, foreigners get by more easily in Malaysia, but there are no guarantees unfortunately.

        Reply

    • Khawlah
      March 1, 2018

      Im sorry but please get back to quran and sunnah and please dont be easily being affected by other people. Islam is perfect. Seek guidance brother.theres actually a lot of muslims out there that willing to help to change to become better muslim.

      Reply

  4. GayMalay
    August 21, 2014

    I am Malay, brought up in Malaysia in a very conservative family. Although I wouldn’t categorise myself as a modern, urban man but my family and I are very well-off and educated. Even with such background, my family put religion as an integral part of their life. Everything revolves around Islam and Malay culture. With that being said, I can definitely relate to what has been mentioned by the interviewee. I struggle to reconcile being gay and a muslim all the time. with lack of proper education on homosexuality and exposure to the reality of sexual life, I encountered many difficult situations in handling my life when it comes to sex; what is safe sex?, what should I do when someone forced me to have sex? to whom should I turn into?. All these unanswered questions made me a man that always hate himself to a point where he felt he does no longer deserve to breath this air for he was sinful.

    However, I managed to remain strong. I learn from my experience and develop myself bit by bit to become a better individual despite my sexuality. Primarily because I am now living in the UK and they teach me a lot on how to accept myself and love myself for who I am. Now I am no longer at lost as to how I run my life as a Muslim and a homosexual. I think I share the same understanding of myself just like Saiful did.

    On a side note, I don’t think Malaysia will progress to become a nation that legally accepts LGBT any time soon but the society’s attitude will definitely slowly change to become more accepting.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      August 21, 2014

      Unfortunately, you’re probably right. I’m so glad you were able to end up somewhere more welcoming and accepting of your homosexuality. I know all too well how powerful that self loathing can be.

      Reply

      • RatherBeUnknown
        September 26, 2014

        I am a muslim in Malaysia too and I am confused about my orientation. I tried to force myself to like girls and to even have thoughts of marrying one but so far all my attempts have been all but successful.

        It hurts so much that I like men and I just wish this feeling would go away. At the end of the day, however, the feeling that comforts me most is the fact that I am me, just the way I am but a part of me can’t accept that fact because of the rules and regulations the world has been set upon…

        What should I do? I don’t know, I really am confused and I feel extremely terrible about myself. It’s as if there is no exit for me except to destroy that part that says, “I like men” and replace it with the normal “I like women” thought.

        Right now, it’s not about Malaysia approving LGBT… It’s a struggle for me, who is currently hating my current self…

        Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        September 26, 2014

        You are in such a tough situation. My heart really hurts for you. I have been through the self-hatred part, but I had less of a problem because I was in the US. While it hasn’t always been accepting, it doesn’t have laws specifically against it, and we don’t have the same religious connection with our government and society as Malaysia does with Islam. Are you able to go to any of the places mentioned? Perhaps being around some other gay men who are in a similar struggle would be helpful.

        Reply

      • Saputra
        November 28, 2014

        I am a Malay,straight and i consider myself to be very open minded person especially when it comes to homosexuality.

        I don’t mind if i meet a Malay guy or girl who are gay and i will treat them the same as i do with straight people.

        So not all people here in Malaysia are homophobic. But yeah, like the other poster said, it will take time for Malaysians to change its view on homosexuality.

        Not sure how to say it but we’ve been brought up by our parents and society’s beliefs that we have to see this world in their way, we can’t do this or that because in religion, its considered a ‘sin’.

        I’m not religious to begin with so i see the world differently. I think a shift in consciousness has to happen if we want to see the change but it won’t happen anytime soon imo.

        Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        November 28, 2014

        I can’t say for sure since I’m a foreigner, but it is my impression that most Malays are probably not homophobic. As is often the case, the government stance is much more conservative than its people.

        Reply

    • jkampmann333@gmail.com
      November 24, 2015

      In response to Gay Maylay.

      My name is John and I can understand how damaging some
      Religions can be for GLBT folks. I have lived in Conservative
      and Liberal parts of the world. One thing to consider is that
      negative religious views against GLBT folks is just an opinion.
      If you feel your religion is the absolute truth and everything
      you read in it, is correct, you may never find peace of mind.
      In my opinion NO prophet or way shower, including Jesus, Mohamed,
      Mother Theresa of Calcutta India, Louise Hay ( Spiritual women and
      author of books) Suffi Mystics , etc, are perfectly enlightened beings.
      Elevated souls with greater awareness, yes-but certainly not perfect.
      In Christianity there are many scriptures alluding to the “wrongness”
      of homosexuality. I don’t accept these scriptures because when these
      scriptures were written, the writers had NO idea that homosexuality
      was proven genetic, The proof came in the early 90’s, from the Simon
      Levay Institute. The homosexual male brain is similar to a womans….
      Transgender’s inherit a brain, opposite of the gender they are assigned at birth.

      Unfortunately, living in an environment where your religion preaches you as a sinner
      can be very damaging. So I recommend taking the part of your religion that preaches love and dump the part that speaks poorly of being a GLBT person.
      Or find a spiritual path that accepts and affirms you, just as you are. If you
      can find a group, I suggest reading “A Course in miracles”. It has a Spiritual slant
      and talks about the nature of love and some Chirtian churches offer it free
      worldwide. They meet in groups.

      Remember this, when in moments of self hatred, “God dose not make junk” You were
      meant to be a GLBT person, Its just that religions and governments are often backwards, but don’t allow their blindness to take away your pride about being
      Gay. Did you know that several animals are Gay and Bi?

      Although, being in a conservative, religious country, unsupportive of homosexuality
      can be discouraging. We who live in Liberal Countries, supportive of homosexuality
      have our problems too. Did you know alcohol and drug addiction are high. And rape
      inside the Gay community is very high, but not reported. I was druged an assaulted many years ago. Irresponsible sex, without wearing a condom, causes many problems,
      like HIV. There is racial discrimination against others. White Gays are unfortunately considered to be the top of the pecking order. And pornography
      addictions are vast in the GLBT community. Theses are some things that can
      happened to anyone in a liberal country. These usually happen to people
      who have no boundaries and self control/ How good is that?

      Although you have very little freedonm to live as Gays; look at some
      of the consequences our freedom has cost us, in the West.

      Honestly, some of the more kinder Gays I have met, have come from more conservative countries, like yours.

      My intention for writting this letter was to encourage you to question the scriptures you read in your text, and consider yourself lovely, just as God has made you. And finally, even though you live in a repressive culture, please don’t
      admirer us Westerners too much, for we have our problems with people not responsible
      with the freedom we have.

      John

      Always remember this, God does not make junk

      If your

      Reply

  5. Sean Noeth
    March 23, 2014

    Wheres your next stop?

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      March 23, 2014

      Scotland most likely

      Reply

  6. saiful
    February 9, 2014

    Paramount, i have lived in rural areas in M’sia before and I can tell you rural people are very nice and they do not care abt your looks/way you act. And there are still gay people even in rural areas. Can find them on grindr , pr , facebook. Don’t worry abt being in a Muslim university bcoz as a matter of fact ,two of the top Muslim majority university here are also known to have the most happening people, including gay people.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      February 11, 2014

      Thanks for that, Saiful.

      Reply

  7. Flávio
    January 20, 2014

    What I find most interesting is to see how people hide behind the culture to make what they really want to (as gay Muslims who take advantage of the constraints of interaction between the sexes to practice gay sex).

    I live in Brazil and here’s the thing – despite more liberal – is not much different! In big cities like Rio de Janeiro or Sao Paulo’s okay to be gay you .. Nobody gives a shit..

    But in small towns of the interior, it is common to find men who have gay sex but claim that it is only to relieve sexual tension … They consider themselves straights, and when talking about gays, always are agains or make derogatory remarks…

    I went whit my boyfriend to Prague (Czech Republic) last year… The people there seems to be very open to gay lifestyle.. I enjoyed very much!

    Very nice post!
    And excuse me for my bad english..

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      January 23, 2014

      Yes, those hypocrites are quite interesting!

      Very true about Czech! They are much more open minded here and much more accepting of gays. One of the advantages of being a mostly atheistic society I think.

      Reply

  8. Paramout
    December 21, 2013

    I got a question… now I’m hesitating cuz I got a scholarship to study about political science{IR} in Malaysia and it is a must that I have to attend a Muslim university{which I dont know yet} and learn Bahasa language… I’m gay… I’m Buddhist…Gay is acceptable here, in Thailand… I wonder how my life gonna be there… Will I have friends in the university that can accept for who I am… Or I should not go… Pls. help me…. Thank you

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 21, 2013

      If you’ll be in KL, I would say you’ll probably be fine. Based on both of the interviews, life for gays in KL is pretty good. Obviously, you’ll have to take care of who you tell, esp in the university, but I believe you’ll have plenty of friends who will accept you. If you’ll be in the more rural areas, that might be more of a challenge.

      Reply

      • Paramout
        December 21, 2013

        So, I have to keep it secret and can tell only the friends I trust…and I have to becareful of my manner and gesture… It sounds so depressing for me… .. I’d rather continue my bachelor degree in my country…Anyway, I really appreciate your help and thank you so much….

        Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        December 21, 2013

        You should actually be fine with mannerisms and gestures. I think you would probably be OK in KL telling almost anyone. I would just be careful of university officials finding out. I honestly don’t know how they would react.

        I definitely understand what you mean. It was one of the things I had to seriously consider when we were considering making KL our base.

        Reply

    • Saputra
      November 28, 2014

      Hi paramount, i think you should be ok if you can hide your sexual orientation well. I’m malay and i don’t mind about gay people but there are those who do mind because Malays in general are still very conservative (and some of us can be very immature so they will probably even bully you).

      Because in my past experience, i was being avoided by my malay classmates because i’m not religious at all.

      So please be careful and hope you enjoy Malaysia 🙂

      Reply

  9. JJ
    December 17, 2013

    I’m a Malaysian and everything you stated in the article is absolutely true. It is really depressing to live in denial and lead a secret life. Most LGBT people I have heard of, lead a asexual lifestyle(I’m not saying asexual is a lifestyle) and focus on career and other stuff.I’m 22 myself and had accepted the fact that I’ll live my whole life without the slightest possibility to be in a relationship.If only the laws regarding this matter would change.I hope many other bloggers like you would bring this issue to the international level and maybe find a solution to this discriminating law.Again thank you for the article .

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 18, 2013

      I hope for change. Unfortunately, I doubt it will be any time soon, which is a real shame.

      Reply

  10. Mrzzz
    December 6, 2013

    Hi… I am from Malaysia and yes that’s so true. In malaysia isn’t allowed gay but it’s ok even we have to be very disecret. What should we do? Just have to accept it. Love is love even we can’t show to others. Your article is so true about Gay life in Malaysia.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 7, 2013

      It saddens me that is the way people have to live. Maybe one day we’ll see a change.

      Reply

      • Mrzzz
        December 7, 2013

        That’s will never change because I know the sensitivity of Malaysians. The law states joined the religious laws, that is why. But it’s ok because life must go on even if it means secretive throughout life.

        Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        December 7, 2013

        I always have hope. Sometimes things DO change and surprise us. I hope so for Malaysia, although I’m sure it won’t be any time soon.

        Reply

  11. Tawint
    November 25, 2013

    I am from Thailand which I have Malay boyfriend everyday and every time we have to keep close our relationship from his family. It’s so complicated to have a freedom life there but I believe that our heart is always close to each other.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      November 26, 2013

      I would imagine that would be very difficult since Thailand culture is so much more open and accepting.

      Reply

  12. hsofia
    October 23, 2013

    I really appreciated reading this, Talon, and thanks to your friend for sharing his story. Pretty incredible.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      October 25, 2013

      I am very grateful for his willingness to share. Thanks for sharing it, too.

      Reply

  13. Marielle Green
    September 29, 2013

    I agree with the others – this was a fascinating interview with such brave and candid answers. Ever thought about writing an ethnography?

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      Yes. It’s something that is close to my heart. Prior to travel I did a lot of work as a cultural consultant training others on multiculturalism and dealing with the challenges of colliding worlds. I find it all so fascinating. Glad you enjoyed this interview.

      Reply

  14. Travelogged
    September 29, 2013

    What a brave and fascinating piece — thank you for sharing their stories!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      I was so thankful for his bravery to share this!

      Reply

  15. Mary @ Green Global Travel
    September 27, 2013

    This is a fascinating interview- the kind you only get from building trust with someone of a different culture. There have been a couple of times in our travels when we’ve tried to raise controversial topics with our local guides and we very rarely get much depth. Thank your for providing a unique insight into the lives of gay Muslims in Malaysia.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      It is very tough. I was so happy to find a couple of people who were willing to be interviewed. I think it makes a huge difference to be able to get a window into someone else’s life.

      Reply

  16. Jaime
    September 26, 2013

    I read this on my way into work & as I was reading this… I honestly knew the answer to all the questions you asked. I was so angry that I knew them and I nodded along saying “yes, yes” and “ugh I hate that they are going through this”. The reason I knew this is because Talon this is EXACTLY how life is in Egypt for a gay man (I lived it). When I say EXACTLY I mean it. Having lived in Cairo for 5 months I frequented some of the bars where Gay men hang out and even some of the cruising parks. Since I had a boyfriend I never picked anyone up but just found it so amazing how even though they know they can get caught and thrown in jail at anytime they still go out and enjoy themselves. They do it in a way though to not bring attention to themselves like this gentleman said. What I found even crazier is how it’s easier for a gay couple to be a couple than it is for a straight couple to be a couple, because 2 men together doesn’t bring any attention to you, but a girl and guy who are not married together brings tons of suspicion and frowned upon. It’s also shocking the amount of gay men I met living there and how for most of them they do the same they don’t practice Islam as much but respect it. It’s very similar to us and Christianity. I do have a friend thought that struggles with it a lot because he is a very devout Muslim.

    Anyway I can go on and on about Gay life in Egypt, but will leave it at that. It’s something I always wanted to write about on my blog but for the sake of all my Gay friends in Egypt I never will. I’d hate for the wrong person to read my blog and something happen to any of them. I know I have written about my relationship, but that’s a bit different and I don’t talk about the Gay community on there. I know the chances of the wrong person reading my blog are slim to none, but when you Google “Gay Cairo” now I am one of the top searches (sometimes #1). I do get a lot of emails from Gay men in Egypt that say my story has helped them and I also get emails from Gay couples who want to visit Egypt and are a bit worried so I help them out.

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      You’re always welcome to do it anonymously for any of my sites. I’m glad you weighed in on this. I wondered how much close life in Egypt was to Malaysia for gays.

      Reply

  17. Tom @ Waegook Tom
    September 26, 2013

    I remember when I went to Malaysia, I met a lot of gay locals through Couchsurfing, and I’m still friends with them all now. Yet, I think they’re all in the same situation as the guy you interviewed – they’re out to close friends, but their families don’t know. One of my gay friends is Chinese-Malay, and things seem to be no better for him than the Malay guys I know. Hopefully Malaysia will go the way of Thailand in terms of starting to accept homosexuality in society – KL has a heck of a lot of gay guys, as does neighbouring Singapore.

    Also, Blue Boy is such a fun club! I loved it there.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      If Malaysia didn’t have the religion as part of its laws, I would have more hope. Unfortunately, I don’t see the possibility for much change there any time soon.

      Reply

  18. Queer Nomad
    September 26, 2013

    Thanks for this interview! To be honest, in spite of the laws and muslim culture, being gay in Malaysia doesn’t sound very different from other countries in Asia, even the very modern and wealthy ones like Japan and Korea, where the same social problems exist in spite of no laws or Islam against being GLBT.

    My best friend (half French, half English) worked in KL for a year and found the gay scene more varied than in much of Europe – though it’s true that people seem to have a “life in KL, and then another one at home”.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      It’s even sadder to me when life is like this and doesn’t have the shroud of religion to hide behind.

      Reply

  19. Terry at Overnight New York
    September 26, 2013

    An insightful interview and look at Malaysian culture. “Saiful” is thoughtful, articulate and brave.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      Boy, he sure is!

      Reply

  20. Lillie – @WorldLillie
    September 26, 2013

    Fascinating and profound post. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      Thank you.

      Reply

  21. Elizabeth
    September 23, 2013

    WOW, I don’t even know where to begin with this piece Talon. It hurts my heart that my gay brothers and sisters out there are still having to hide who they are.

    Reply

    • Micki
      September 25, 2013

      I couldn’t agree more with Elizabeth. It’s so hard to read this. Thanks for this though; another very thought provoking article.

      Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        September 29, 2013

        Thanks! I look forward to being able to share the next one soon.

        Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      And, unfortunately, some have it MUCH worse.

      Reply

  22. wanderingeducators
    September 23, 2013

    Thank you for this glimpse, Talon, into such a tough situation. I can’t imagine living like this, and hope that change can come – but am aware that cultural change, especially in regards to religion, moves slower than anything else.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      Yes, especially when the religion also has laws behind it.

      Reply

  23. Sam
    September 21, 2013

    Thanks for putting this out there, Talon. It’s really important, I think, for people who come from an accepting and progressive background to be made aware of how it’s not like that everywhere, as difficult a reality as it may be to accept. I’ve had a lot of trouble getting my head around how gay people here in South America think and act, and find myself getting angry at the “that’s the way it is and I can’t change it” attitude of many I’ve met. But it’s easy for me to tell people they have to stand up for themselves, question bigoted beliefs and make people accept them when I never had to do such a thing; I happened to be born in a time and place when people just did accept it.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 29, 2013

      It sure makes a big difference, esp in these countries where religion is part of the law.

      Reply

  24. Jennifer
    September 20, 2013

    Ooh. Tough read. And where he lives is a more progressive part of Malaysia. I really feel for him… Change and progress is like evolution, slow and incremental.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 20, 2013

      Yes. So incredibly difficult.

      Reply

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