Health

This stuff has been the most challenging part of the year really. After being on the road for 5-1/2 years, I came home to uncontrolled hypertension, hypothyroidism, and a new diagnosis of diabetes and sleep apnea. The thyroid has been the only part of this that has been easy.

It took us 2 more medications, 6 months, and a visit to a cardiologist to finally get my blood pressure down.

The diabetes continues to be a challenge. Many medications and many months have brought my glucose levels down to more reasonable levels, but they’re still too high. In the meantime, I’ve developed neuropathy in my feet which has caused some other challenges. I finally found KEEN sandals are about the only footwear my feet will tolerate. Not the best option for Washington winters which are quite wet but better than feeling like my feet are on fire every time I walk. I finally switched physicians, and this one is tackling the diabetes more seriously. So, hopefully things will be more in the green light zone soon.

The sleep apnea was a super challenge. After 4 sleep studies, we finally ended up with me being on a BiPAP. After a couple of pressure adjustments, things are much improved there. That took about 8 months to achieve. It’s nice to finally have energy at the end of the day. I also felt bad for Tigger who had to deal with my constant exhaustion and lack of energy to do much together.

I ended up needing another tooth extraction. We were discussing implants so x-rays were taken. Unfortunately, these showed that I have a lot of oral bone loss (suspected to be due to the diabetes). I need to see a specialist to see what options and probabilities we have for dealing with that. My dentist wasn’t too enthusiastic so that wasn’t super comforting.

The combination of issues triggered my depression and that was starting to take me to ugly places. During a grief counseling session, one of my clients mentioned how she had been depressed (not knowing about my situation since I don’t share that stuff with clients) and started taking SAM-e which helped her a great deal. I decided to give this a try, and thankfully it has worked well for me, too. Starting around mid-October I finally began feeling like my normal self again. Such a huge relief!

I recently started having some gastrointestinal issues, and we discovered I’m now lactose intolerant. Apparently, it isn’t uncommon that as you approach your 50s your body just decides it’s going to stop breaking lactose down. Thankfully lactase tablets (lactase breaks down lactose in your body) are available so I can still enjoy dairy products. I recently learned the Costco-branded ones work MUCH better, and they’ve become a staple. I have tablets in my car, my lunch bag, and in the house.

At least the cardiologist said my heart is good and strong. I’ll take any positives I can get.

For Tigger, this summer she was finally able to be seen by the Gender Identity Clinic associated with Seattle Children’s Hospital. She has begun doing the medical part of her transition and is very happy with how that is going. Right now we make quarterly visits to Seattle to see the specialist, but we’re looking at changing to a clinic that’s closer to home. The route to Seattle is so traffic laden that we end up going there the day before and staying overnight in a hotel. I end up having to use a vacation day for each visit, and we’d rather use those days and the money we have to spend on a hotel for actual trips.

Work

This has been a challenge as well. Adapting to being in the full-time mode again wasn’t too difficult. The team, practices, and company culture, however, are VERY different from what I’m used to with other hospice employers, so I’ve had to really work hard to adjust to those aspects.

After being there for almost a year, I began searching for employment elsewhere. I was offered a job on Whidbey Island, which is a place we both really love. It would’ve been higher pay, fewer work hours, much cheaper insurance, a significant reduction in healthcare deductible, and a work environment that is closer to what I enjoy. I accepted and we began planning our move.

However, the more we looked at moving the more something tweaked inside me. I realized that I just wasn’t ready to start all over again, not have any local friends again (it’s taken me almost a year to develop the few I have now), and to face a great reduction in community amenities.

This rather surprised me. During our years of travel, this was just part of our life and was part of the adventure. But now that we’re working on being settled, these factors just weren’t okay for me. In facing the regrets test, the idea of not having local friends again was completely unacceptable.

So, I turned down the new job, and we’re staying put. This decision brought up a huge relief and also changed how I view some of the work challenges. It’s reshaped how I look at some things and has removed a lot of stressors. It was definitely a big, valuable lesson for me.

And my friends are thankfully happy I’m staying.

Life, Travel, & 2018

During our travels, I often posted on Facebook how in love with my life I felt. Unfortunately, for almost all of this year I could not say that. However, with the depression lifted, attitudes changed, spending time with friends, and some other positive changes in my life, I’m having many more happy days and appreciating my life again.

The one night we were sitting down to dinner and I suddenly suggested we head out that night and go to the beach for the weekend I felt like I was finally back to being me. We had a great weekend.

It was such a joy to feel like myself again!

After deciding we were staying put, we also bought a new sofa and loveseat. It’s the first time I’ve bought new furniture (other than our beds) since 1996, and only the second time in my whole life that I’ve bought new living room furniture. It sure helps our place feel more like home and helps me feel more settled.

We have also planned some future trips. This week we’re driving up to Vancouver, BC, for Chrismakah. We’ll spend a few days there. In 2018, I will turn 50 and I wanted to do something special for that milestone. Yesterday, I placed a deposit on an Alaska cruise with Holland America. We’ll celebrate my entrance to my fifth decade while at sea and in a foreign country (our cruise will be at port in Victoria, BC, for part of that day) which is extremely apropos for me.

Tigger will also acquire her new passport next year with her new name and the changed gender which will complete a big piece of her transition.

While 2017 has been a very challenging year, it’s also seen some very big positives. The last couple of months in particular have been so much better and that has been incredibly nice to experience.

But I’m very happy to wave goodbye to 2017 and super eager to welcome 2018.

We hope the upcoming year is one of your best as well.

Making a Home

My kitchen is mostly the way I want it. I could always have more gadgets, but I’m trying to keep some of the minimalism I grew to love while we traveled. I do need a few more things to get to my former baking glory, but I’ve been taking time on that because lately I haven’t really had the energy to do a lot of baking. See below under “health” for more on that one.

At the end of January, we took another big step in our resettling efforts and adopted a kitten from the shelter. Her name is Amber, and she’s been a very welcome addition to our family. She has tons of personality, is very loving, adores playing fetch (sometimes too much), and keeps us entertained.

Life just seems more complete with a pet in the home.

I miss having a dog and have gone back and forth on whether or not I want to adopt one. So far we’re sticking with just the cat since their independence makes taking short trips without a fuss more reasonable.

We recently received the one box we had in storage at a friend’s house, so it feels like the circle has come to a close. We had only stored things that had sentimental value or were important documents.

Health

As you may have read, returning to the US and addressing some health issues has ended up being quite the process. My blood pressure continues to be uncontrolled. In working that up, we discovered I have obstructive sleep apnea. Now that’s being treated with a CPAP machine. My diabetes is finally under much better control now, though, so that’s a bonus.

With the CPAP, I’m getting better quality sleep so I’m not exhaustipated all the time. It had gotten to the point where I was ready to go to bed by 6 PM every night and was barely functioning beginning at around 3 PM.

That’s just no way to live.

Tigger has been in therapy to explore her gender issues. She sees the doctor next month and will discuss beginning medical transitioning. She continues to do really well with her anxiety, and having Amber for companionship has definitely helped especially since I’m gone all day for work.

Work

I settled into my job pretty quickly and have enjoyed it for the most part. I do miss being able to work in my sweats and being able to take a nap if I want. I sometimes also miss only having to work for a few hours a day.

At the same time I also enjoy getting a regular paycheck every 2 weeks and being paid for holidays without having to work on those days.

There are definite pluses to employment.

I also enjoy having work that is meaningful. It’s nice to feel you have a purpose and can help others.

Tigger has begun looking for a part-time job. There are lots of potential employers within walking distance of our apartment, so that’s pretty handy.

Activities

Now that I have more energy, I’m signed up to take some more art classes, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Especially painting classes. My first class starts soon, and I’m really excited to get started with that.

I’ve also been wanting to take some Krav Maga classes for a long time, and conveniently there is a studio just down the street. That starts next month.

Tigger has decided to pursue improving her drawing skills, and she’s signed up for a drawing class at the local community college. I’ve been trying to get her into drawing classes since she was 7, so I think I’m more excited than she is.

The Big Question

I’m pretty sure most people are wondering if we miss our travel lifestyle. For Tigger that’s a big no. She liked traveling and appreciates the experiences she had, but the settled life suits her much more.

For me, there are parts I miss and parts I don’t. I don’t deal well with monotony and routine, and constantly having new things to see and experience was really good for me. We have taken time to explore more of our state and local places, but it just isn’t the same. While the Pacific Northwest is absolutely gorgeous, our architecture just can’t compete with the Old World sights in Europe.

I miss being just a couple of hours away from being in a new country and having multiple countries to choose from. I miss being able to hop on a train to travel instead of having to fly, and I especially miss how easy it is to fly in Europe. Flying in the US is a royal pain in the butt, and it’s even worse now with the TSA’s new pat-down policy.

Partly because of having very little energy, I haven’t really been outside the house much other than for work, so that means no new friendships either. But I’m building relationships with coworkers, so that’s feeling a little better. Community was a big thing I missed while traveling.

I do enjoy the freedom of having a car and not constantly being in some stage of planning. I especially enjoy being able to access all my favorite foods as well as trying some new ones.

While it is nice being able to communicate with everyone I meet, I do miss constantly learning new words in a foreign language and the challenges that came with living in a new country.

For the most part, though, it’s been good to be back home. I’m enjoying many aspects of it.

We’ll see if I’m still feeling the same when Tigger turns 18, though.

It was a good year, and it was definitely the Year of Curveballs.

We began 2016 in Mexico with some wonderful friends, good food, and plentiful fireworks. Soon after the new year we began evaluating whether or not San Miguel would be our home. Even though we really enjoyed life there, Budapest beckoned.

In March, we left Mexico behind and traveled to Italy where we stayed for a few days in Verona and Milan. We had a house sit scheduled in Brussels, and after landing in Milan I received word about the terrorist attacks in Brussels that happened while we were in the air. We weren’t dissuaded, though, and continued on.

While in Belgium, I took the opportunity to visit Bruges which is something I had wanted to do for many years. I was so glad we went.

Then we were off to Budapest. We were thrilled to be back, started getting settled, and I signed up for Hungarian lessons. Life threw us two big curveballs while there—Tigger announced he was actually a transgender girl, and the Hungarian government just couldn’t get it through their heads that Tigger’s birth certificate saying “none” to mother meant there was no mother involved.

In order to get Tigger into the professionals she needed to see to help her process her gender journey, do a name change if she indeed wants that, etc., we needed to be in the US. We had planned on returning in a year after our Hungarian visa expired, but since we didn’t get that we decided to do it sooner.

We were able to secure a long-term house sit in the UK which meant we could save up money for the US, which was a very good thing. On our way, we stopped in the Netherlands and I was able to fulfill another dream—staying in a houseboat in Amsterdam. We celebrated my birthday there and were joined by a special couple we’ve known for a while online and met in person during one of our stays in the UK. They just happened to be outside Amsterdam so it made for a nice meetup.

And spending your birthday with friends is always lovely and not always easy to manage when you’re nomadic.

We stayed in a few cities in the Netherlands and quickly became enamored with the country.

Leading up to our sit in the UK, Turkey experienced a coup attempt. It just so happened that the reason we had the UK house sit was because one of the owners worked for the UN Human Rights Commission in Turkey. As his government counterparts were disappearing regularly, the UN cancelled his contract, and our sit ended up being shortened by a few months.

We figured we would just return to the US earlier than our current plan but were able to secure a few more sits to help us save a bit of money beforehand.

I was able to check another item off my wishlist and visit Bath, England, where we reconnected with the same friends we met up with in Amsterdam for my birthday.

Once in the US, things snapped together so well it was amazing. I applied for a job in my previous field of hospice, and within 2 weeks I was hired. I was able to buy a car, and despite the tough rental market in Olympia, Washington, we were able to get an apartment that is just over a mile from my office.

It’s a city with good public transportation and lots of opportunities for Tigger as well as a general openness to trans people. I connected her with an LGBT teen group, and she recently went to a weekend camp with the group and had a great time.

We are currently back on Whidbey Island where we sat a couple of years ago, and in just shy of a couple of weeks we’ll be in our new apartment where we can actually start really settling down and make our home ours.

So, yeah, I’m not happy about the possibility/probability of a President Trump, but overall 2016 has been really good and I’m not going to let one event drown out all the good that has happened to me and my little family. And while I am most definitely completely dreading Inauguration Day 2017, I have a lot of hope that the rest of 2017 won’t let me down either.

What are you looking forward to in 2017?

Work and the Nomadic Life

Once the decision was made to return to the US, I began considering what I would do for work. Would I continue doing freelance work and/or medical transcription? There are definitely some pros to working from home, but the more I thought about it the stronger the cons seemed.

For starters, while I’m mostly an ambivert, I tend to lean more toward the extrovert side. Working from home doesn’t really provide the interaction I need.

I’m also the type of person who likes to feel like at the end of the day they’ve made a difference, that somehow they’ve helped lighten someone’s burden, etc. While I thoroughly enjoy writing, it doesn’t give me the sense of purpose that working in hospice did.

Doing freelance work can also be a royal pain in the tush. You’re constantly pitching, trying to find new clients, drumming up more business, etc. You don’t always know when you’ll be paid, and quite often you have to nag people to get paid.

With medical transcription (MT), I know when I’m going to get paid and how much, but since I’m paid by production that figure is always changing. If there’s no work in the pool when I sign on, I don’t get paid. There have been many times where we had an extended dry spell (often seasonal) at the MT job and I was earning only a fraction of my usual income.

As an independent contractor, it also means I don’t get holiday or sick pay, and if I take a day off, I don’t get paid. When I participated in a press trip to Thailand, I had to set money aside since I wouldn’t be able to transcribe during that week. I also wouldn’t have time to pitch, search for new clients, and so on. And the press trip was a lot of work, so it definitely didn’t count as a vacation or time off.

Sure, I’ve been traveling the world for the last 5-1/2 years and having a lot of fun, but I haven’t had more than a day or two off from working in all that time. So one big perk I’m looking forward to with full-time employment is being able to enjoy a holiday or take a vacation without having to save up even more money so that I still get “paid” while I’m not working.

It was tough leaving a job, company, and coworkers I loved. It was especially scary because jobs in my field are not easy to find. But I clung to the “Leap and the net will appear” philosophy and trusted that things would work out.

Shortly after returning to Washington, I decided to start looking for a job. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to do, but I knew I wanted to work on-site somewhere. Within two weeks of applying for the job I wanted (which was also in my preferred field of work), I was hired.

I leapt, and the net did indeed appear.

I was overjoyed when I was recently hired by a hospice to manage their bereavement program. Hospice is a passion of mine, and I really enjoy working with people as they go through the roller coaster that is grief and mourning.

Life in the US

There are definitely things I wish would change in the US, but for the most part it’s been great to be back home. While traveling long term is a great adventure and a constant challenge, there are a lot of perks to being able to shop online, get things delivered to my door, to being able to fully understand the language, to not have to deal with visas and visit restrictions, to be able to find my favorite foods, etc.

While I have really enjoyed being in places with good to great public transportation, and I’ve enjoyed not having to have a car, there is also a lot of freedom in having an automobile. I really love being able to decide I want to go somewhere and not having to check public transportation routes, hours of operation, etc.

And I just enjoy going for drives. There’s something wonderful about simply getting in the car and admiring the scenery, the music playing, and so on. It’s probably one of the few things about me that is very “American.” I was able to buy a car, and it’s amazing to me just how liberating and just how “right” it feels.

I love the convenience of life in the US. I do most of my shopping online and have things shipped to my door. For the most part, I can trust our postal service and shipping providers unlike other countries where I’ve lived.

I can readily get almost any food I’m craving. And if I can’t find it, chances are the local supermarket will have the ingredients I need to make it myself.

We’ve been back for over a month, and I’ve been to an ATM machine once. So far it just hasn’t been an issue to pay with my debit card. Even the local food truck accepts cards.

It’s also hard to beat US customer service. The other day we decided to go to McDonald’s and take advantage of their all-day breakfast menu (we love their Egg McMuffin, and I’m not ashamed of that). For some odd reason, it took an unusual amount of time to get our food. When I went to pick up our order when it was finally done, the manager handed me a card for a free meal “for the long wait.” I hadn’t even said anything!

When something isn’t functioning correctly, you generally get an apology instead of an obviously unconcerned shrug and a look that communicates “Not my problem.”

I’ve also missed central heating.  I don’t have to wear a hoodie while I’m in the kitchen or freeze while using the bathroom.

Long-term travel has made me much more laid-back, so when staff are apologizing for slight delays/issues, I just shrug, smile and say “No worries.” And I actually mean it. The look of astonishment and relief on their face surprises me, but then I remember not all my fellow Americans are as understanding.

Having dealt with weird red tape and often confusing (to me) processes in other countries has increased my ability to just shrug off idiosyncrasies here.

It’s so nice being able to handle much of my business, etc., online.

I love that when I’m shopping in a store, a mall, in a public place, etc., if I need to use the toilet, chances are there is a free one for me to use. I don’t have to search high and low only to be disappointed and left wondering if I’ll get in trouble if I use the alley for . . . my now-urgent need.

If I get thirsty, chances are there is a water fountain nearby. I don’t always have to carry a reusable water bottle with me just in case.

I’ve greatly missed having evergreens, the ocean, and mountains all within one view. There really aren’t a lot of places in the world where you can find this kind of combination.

Powerful Lessons

Perhaps one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from nomadic travel is that no place is perfect. We have lived in so many wonderful places all over the world, and many have captured a piece of my heart. But none of them is perfect. Some places talk to your soul more than others, and some are perfect “for this moment.”

It’s also been a reminder for me that happiness truly comes from within. I can be happy while swinging in a hammock and looking out over gorgeous Caribbean waters, but I’m sitting here smiling just as broadly as I watch the rain fall on the deck and brown leaves get tossed from the maple in the yard.

When we left the US, I never really imagined that my search for home would lead me back to Washington and the US. Sometimes you really do need to leave something to realize just how much you really loved it.

What are your thoughts? Have you had a similar experience?

• When it’s time, it’s time. The last time we came back we weren’t sure we wanted to stay. This time we came back with the purpose to settle down, make our base, and drastically reduce international travel.
• Readiness. Usually by the time we’ve been somewhere for a month I’m starting to think of where else to go. This time I turned down paid travel simply because it involved air travel, and I’m still very over airports and flying. I’ve often said that travel even within your own county or city still counts as travel, and I have been enjoying playing tourist locally.

• Attitude. It really does make a huge difference. We came back with the intention to make our home here, to develop community, etc. Tigger has gone to some local events for teens and is looking forward to getting connected with some other teen groups. Coming here with the thought that “This is home” versus “Can we handle living here again?” really changes how you perceive things. Sure, we still have a bit of reverse culture shock, feel a bit out of place, are readjusting to the currency (on the rare occasions we use physical money instead of a debit card), and my taste buds are still trying to adjust to some of the flavors. I’m also getting used to the odd looks from people who don’t know what to say when I mention we’ve spent the last almost 6 years traveling. And occasionally I still have panicked moments when I’m not sure if I’m driving on the right side of the road. However, moving to any new place always has its adjustments.
• Remembering that no place is perfect. The US certainly has its issues, but it also has many positives. Having lived in so many places, we definitely have seen where every place has it pluses and minuses. Being in lovely surroundings and having the friendliness of Washingtonians really helps the adjustment.
• Happy surprises. One of my big fears about returning to the US was how Tigger would be received as a young transwoman. So far, we have had only positive experiences. The worst we’ve had is people who openly stare at her. Because she’s usually in her own little world in public I’m the only one who really notices. I was fairly anxious during her first “teen night out” experience. But she was completely accepted, other teens and staff were respectful, and one person asked her respectful questions.  Recently, we were in a supermarket and someone came up to Tigger while she was bagging our groceries. He initially called her “Sir,” and she calmly corrected him that she was a “Ma’am.” He apologized, corrected himself, gave her a big thumbs-up and said “Total props. Seriously.” This is another reason we came back to Washington. I believed she would have a better experience here, and so far that has definitely been the case.

I’ve also had a great reminder of “When the time is right. . .” I decided I do indeed want a job outside of the home, so I started looking to see what was locally available so I could start working while we do our house sit. I also started checking out towns and cities to see where we might want to relocate. I started feeling drawn to a specific city and out of curiosity I did a job search for that area. A hospice was hiring for two positions that I’m qualified for and have experience in, so I decided to apply.

When I got the call from the recruiter to set up an interview, I discovered I was being interviewed for both positions. Talk about a confidence booster! I figured the odds were very much in my favor in that situation. Two interviews and a meeting later, I was offered a position.

The office is close enough that I can begin working now while still doing our house sit. It’s a big relief to not only have a job doing something I really enjoy, but it also means I’ll have more than enough money saved for us to be able to move into a place after our last sit is finished in December. That was a big stressor.

I’m so excited to move into our own place. Even though I’m not looking forward to the cost of furnishing a new place, we both decided we’d rather move into an unfurnished place and slowly acquire our own stuff. It’s been hard not taking advantage of some sales on household items.

We’re also both very excited about the idea of having our own pets again. We love our temporary pets, but it’s much nicer having pets we don’t have to leave behind constantly.

I never thought I’d be happy to be back in the US, and I definitely never thought I’d be saying “I love my life!” while living a more traditional lifestyle once again.

Sometimes a little “normalcy” isn’t such a bad thing.

The last time we were in the US, it took over a month before we stopped really feeling like aliens. I definitely do feel a little out of place, but instead of feeling like I don’t belong it’s more of a humorous adventure. Unlike last time I haven’t scared anyone by accidentally speaking Spanish, but I have gotten a couple of weird looks when asking things like the location of the rubbish bin and where the toilet is (instead of the bathroom/restroom).

When buying produce at the supermarket, I laughed at my confusion when I couldn’t spot the scale for weighing my selection and printing out the appropriate label for the cashier.

At checkout, Tigger was eagerly grabbing the scanned items and placing them in the cart. The cashier kindly asked “Is there a different way you’d like me to do this?” I reminded Tigger they bag the groceries here (in most cases) and explained to the cashier we had been living in Europe where you bag your own stuff and often get dirty looks if there is a pileup.

“Well, that’s just rude.” Oh how nice it is to have a friendly cashier again (although, they were kind in the UK, too).

As expected, we have thoroughly enjoyed being overwhelmed by the amount of choice in a US supermarket. It is so wonderful having so many options for groceries again. I also like that even in a store that is new to me I can pretty much guess which aisle an item will be found.

Not to mention how glorious it is to have a whole section devoted to bacon. And did you know there are more than 3 flavors of Ben & Jerry’s?

We aren’t fully settling in yet as we have house sits until the end of December. Thankfully, though, most of that time is being spent in one beautiful location. The bags are mostly unpacked again, which is always a nice feeling. We still have some uncertainty as to where exactly we’ll be basing ourselves after the sits, but for now we’re just enjoying being able to stay put.

Having the mindset that this place (Washington state) is probably going to be home has really helped change my approach to things and feel more settled even though we don’t have a “home” yet.

The surroundings haven’t hurt either. The house is by a lagoon. When the tide is out, I can enjoy watching all the birds on the mud flats. We have a bald eagle who nests nearby. Sometimes it’s in one of our trees, and at other times you can hear its distinctive chirps as it flies overhead. Tigger has joined the dog for a dip when the tide is in and has also played in the mud.

In addition to a greenhouse full of cacti (over 200), there is a vegetable garden from which I’ve enjoyed many tomatoes, apple and pear trees (I’m making an apple pie this afternoon), and a carnivorous plant garden.

As the nighttime autumn temperatures drop, I’m enjoying the luxury of central heat.

A friend met us at the airport and surprised us with a basket of goodies of some of my favorite things. She drove us to our sit, so we had some time to catch up which was lovely. Hopefully, we’ll have some other friends visit soon. It’s so nice having friends relatively close again.

It’s also fun being able to be online when most of my friends are, too.

To help, I’ve stopped looking at housesitting ads or flight deals since our focus is on being here and setting up community. There will be time for that stuff later. For now, all my efforts need to be focused on being here and building the next phase of our life.

This experience of being back in the US is like night and day from our last time 2 years ago. I feel so much more hopeful, so much more relaxed, and so much more positive. The advice to “Embrace the strangeness” has been spot on. Focusing on all the things I enjoy has unsurprisingly been a lot more fruitful than “Can I really make this work?”

Attitude truly is everything.

And while it’s only been a week, I can honestly say something I wasn’t sure I would ever say: It’s good to be back.

Politics

I’ve never bought into “American exceptionalism.” The US is a great country, but as far as I’m concerned no country is the absolute best. They all have their pluses and minuses, things I love and things that make me crazy. Travel has definitely made me see some glaring holes in my native culture, as well as made me appreciate some parts of it I hadn’t recognized.

But that wasn’t a big surprise.

What did kind of surprise me was my shift in political ideology. Whenever I would take those online tests that show you where you fall on the political spectrum, I always landed very near the middle. I’ve identified as an independent my whole voting life so seeing the centrist label was no shock.

However, the more I’ve traveled, the more liberal my leanings have become and I now end up in the “solid liberal” side.

Parenting

While I was never a very controlling or helicopter parent, I’ve moved even more solidly toward the “free range” side of things. I work even harder to foster my child’s independence and to support her when she moves out of my comfort zone, and I also help her move out of her own.

Living in Utila when she was 10 was probably the best thing that ever happened for both of us. Being on that small island meant she could have more freedom, and I felt more comfortable giving her more space to develop that free spirit. She definitely couldn’t have had that kind of freedom in most places.

The more I’ve seen parents focused on essentially raising a miniature version of themselves, the more I’ve pushed away from that and wanted Tigger to emerge more fully as her own person.

Sometimes that’s a double-edged sword, but for the most part it’s been amazing.

Career Focus

For most of my professional life, I’ve had my eye on the next rung up. As I prepare to possibly return to the workforce for at least a little bit, I’m really not interested in having a job with a ton of responsibility. I’m very content just being a worker bee. I’m no longer interested in having an impressive title.

Just give me work I enjoy, treat me respectfully, and pay me on time and we’re good.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.”—Rainer Maria Rilke

 Worrying

There was a time in my life when I worried like it was an Olympic competition, and dammit I was going to win the gold! By the time we left the US, I was much less of a worrier. And now, I mostly can’t be bothered with it. Sure, I have my moments when I’m driving myself crazy with worry, but those episodes are much fewer and don’t last nearly as long.

A big lesson long-term travel has taught me is that things always work out. It may not develop the way I had hoped, but they always work out for good. I’ve definitely seen the old adage “When one door closes another opens” in action.

For the most part, when something falls apart or doesn’t work out the way I hoped, I can shrug it off and say “Okay, so what’s next?” Yeah, I may bitch about it for a few minutes, but then I’m moving forward.

For most of my life, I’ve always had a plan B, C, D, etc. I’ve been in survival mode for all those years. Now, I rarely even ponder a plan B because if plan A doesn’t end up coming to fruition, I’m really not that worried about it.

This has really helped with our impending return to the US. While there are some things I’m concerned about, I’m not really dwelling on them. Normally, I would want answers to the several giant question marks I have, but now I’m really okay with leaving them as questions.

Because of it, I’m actually feeling kind of excited about returning the closer it gets.

Never thought I’d say that!

Getting Rid of “Negative Nelly”

I haven’t always been a positive person. By my 40s, I was definitely more positive, but I still was on the pessimist side of things. When you are constantly walking past people who have no idea when they’ll get their next meal, when you see people living in a house made from sheet metal, or when you’re sitting at an outdoor cafe enjoying a sumptuous meal and a beggar comes up and hands your kid a coin while flashing a nearly toothless grin and simply keeps walking by, you’re forced to reclassify what the word “problem” means.

I’ve had so many interactions where people who have so little are so incredibly generous. It has really changed how I react to things and how I am in public. As part of that survival mode I mentioned above, I’ve always made sure to put on a certain “air” when in public. I wanted strangers to feel uncomfortable when they saw me because it meant they were far less likely to do anything bad to me. Now when I see someone who looks grumpy, I smile at them and greet them. When I see people that look like the “odd person out,” I make sure to look them in the eye and nod or say a greeting.

I want them to know that when others may not see them or look down at them, I see and value their worth.

I’ve come to a place where when someone asks if the glass is half empty or hall full I respond “F**k the glass and just hand me the bottle!”

I’ve definitely happily swung over to the optimist side of things, and it’s a place I enjoy being. It’s so much nicer viewing the world, people, and life through that lens.

Being More Comfortable with Myself

I have never been a person who likes to stand out. As someone who was abused as a child, I have always found it easier to meld into my surroundings. There is much more safety in the shadows.

Travel has often forced me out of that comfortable obscurity. In some places, my skin color alone makes me stand out loudly. It doesn’t matter how I dress, what hairstyle I have, how big or small my belly is, or how much attention a shirt’s fit brings to my moobs.

In many places I simply can’t camouflage no matter what I do or how much I want to.

This has helped me to “get over” myself quite a bit. I finally got my other ear pierced as I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve grown my hair out into a rather unusual style (for me at least). I’m wearing brighter colors. I’ve even found myself deciding against a piece of clothing because it looks too boring or dull.

I’ve found the beauty of the quote “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

Home

Before we left, home was the place we lived. After all this moving around, home is wherever we’re together.

Having said that, I’ve also realized the value of having a physical home. A place where you can relax, where you can take refuge. I don’t care if my furniture matches as long as it’s comfortable. I want a place where I can hang our pictures and be surrounded by visual reminders of our various adventures.

How that place looks matters even less to me now.

When people ask where we live, I kind of look forward to being able to name a city instead of “Well, here for now.” Sure, that was really fun for the first few years but now the idea of having a base is much more enjoyable.

And I am SO ready to be able to live somewhere without having to have a notation in my calendar as to when our visa ends, to be able to sign a lease without thinking “Sure hope we get our residency so we can stay that long!” or having to make sure the time limit is within our allowed stay.

I never thought I’d be so excited to have a place to call “home.”

Attitude

While contemplating potential jobs, I’ve pondered returning to work as a healthcare chaplain. I really enjoyed that work immensely.

However, the more I’ve lived in countries dominated by a single religion (the US is one of them) and the more I’ve seen various events unfold throughout the world, the less tolerance I have for religion. While religion has done some good—and is capable of doing much better—I see more and more damage from religious dogma.

Before, I had no problem biting my tongue as people shared their religious views with me. I’m not so sure I’m currently in the place where I can do that without it turning into internal anger. I respect they believe differently. That isn’t a problem for me. I just don’t know that I could be as patient with ideologies that I personally find to be harmful, and I find it even harder to clamp down when faced with religious hypocrisy.

As a friend or a random encounter, I can respectfully share my thoughts about those issues. When you’re acting as a chaplain, though, that kind of response isn’t appropriate. As a chaplain, I may need to challenge things via a delicate dance, and I’m not sure I can be that person right now.

When people start saying something religious, I have to restrain myself from putting my hand up and saying “Let me stop you right there.” It isn’t from a lack of respect or acceptance. I just don’t want to hear it.

The more I see, the more I want to scream “Show me your religion by how you treat others and save your breath!”

That’s not really the right place to be when you’re providing spiritual care.

I’ve also developed less tolerance for intolerance. Yes, I can appreciate the irony.

The more I travel, the more I see just how similar we all are. In reality, we all mostly want the same things. When I see racism, ageism, sexism, et al., I understand those ways of thinking less and less. I’m also much more likely to call out that bullshit, much to the disappointment of some of my former (and perhaps current) Facebook friends.

Although, I do try to not come off as a jerk.

Living “Nothing is Permanent”

We all get reminders from time to time that all things come to an end. But I choose to redefine that for myself, especially when it comes to our return to the US.

We aren’t ending our crazy adventure. It’s entering a new stage. We won’t stop traveling, we’ll just be doing it differently.

It isn’t a conclusion but another chapter.

How has travel affected you?

When we returned to Budapest earlier this year, we had hoped to make it home for at least a year. Unfortunately, the residency process hit a cultural wall that just couldn’t be bypassed. You see, in the US when you’re adopted your birth certificate is changed to the name(s) of the adoptive parent(s). In our case, I was the only parent. This means that in the mother section of Tigger’s birth certificate it says “None.”

Immigration just could not grasp the concept of “no mother.” They repeatedly demanded a letter from Tigger’s mom stating she was OK with her child living with me in Hungary. Even though they saw the birth certificate themselves and I explained it in many ways.

After spending hours upon hours going to the immigration office to provide yet another piece of documentation (unrelated to Tigger) and finally receiving a letter requesting information they already had in their hands (on top of the Tigger’s mother issue), we decided enough was enough.

Since we planned on going back to the US next year after our time in Budapest, we decided we might as well just rip off the Band-Aid and go now.

We managed to secure some house sits in the UK and in the US to help ease the transition financially and logistically. We’ve been away from Budapest for close to 2 months now, and really neither of us has missed it. So I guess that was confirmation it was time to go.

Don’t get me wrong. I still really like Budapest, but I now view it as a superb place to visit but not necessarily to live in long term.

Fears and Concerns

As we’ve seen in the news, many parts of the US (or the world) aren’t exactly friendly to trans people, especially trans women. So this makes me even more nervous for Tigger. However, there are places that are more accepting and have good access to gender services, so we’re targeting those as our possible home base.

I’ve become quite spoiled regarding health care. We generally haven’t needed to see a doctor in the last 5+ years. When we have, we’ve been in areas where those visits are extremely affordable, as is the cost of medication. Overseas one of my pills costs about $10 or less per month whereas in the US it’s over $100. In most places, both of my meds don’t require a prescription, but they both do in the US. I’m definitely concerned about the healthcare situation in the US. I’m hoping some of my friends who are expats in Mexico won’t mind shipping me some meds until I can get back on an insurance plan, get in to see the doc, etc.

I will definitely miss not being worried about needing to see a physician or go to the ER. The total bill for my Australia ER visit a few years ago was less than my ER copay in the States.

I think healthcare costs are one of my biggest worries about going home.

Next up is finding a place to live. It’s been so much easier abroad. Our last apartment we found through a Facebook group. I showed up, we looked around, I said yes, and voila we had an apartment. No credit check. No checking references. No proof of income. And so on. I also didn’t have to set up utilities as they’re in the owner’s name.

And a high electricity bill in Budapest was around $50-60 USD for a month.

Living outside of a really big city in the US also usually means a lack of public transportation. There are good and bad points to owning a car, and I’ve really enjoyed not having to have one. I’m not looking forward to trying to get around on just public transportation until our finances are at the point where getting a car is practical again. Although, I will say that it will be nice to not have to rely on bus/train schedules or to have to schlep groceries on foot.

The last time we were in the US we felt like aliens. It took about 1-1/2 months before we felt like we fit in more. Our personal culture is so varied from the typical American one that it’s definitely going to take some adjusting. Since our lifestyle has been fairly unique as well, I realize there is a big disconnect going in. I sometimes wonder how hard it will be to find “our tribe” locally.

It Isn’t Giving Up

I had to wrestle with this feeling for a while after making the initial decision to return. Because of visas, length of allowed stays, etc., we haven’t really been able to just have a base for an extended period of time (beyond a few months). I still love travel, but I’m also tired. Tired of constantly moving, not having a feeling of “home” and community, not having an equipped kitchen, dealing with visa requirements, not having my own “stuff” in the house and so on.

So I first worried that returning was really just giving up somehow. Of course, it isn’t. When we set out in 2011, it was to live life on our terms. We’re still doing that. I have to remind myself that we haven’t “failed.” We aren’t going back to the US defeated and because a travel lifestyle didn’t work out. We’re making our lifestyle fit our current needs, especially for Tigger.

Looking at how we’ve handled things during our recent sits, I think we’re ready for some settled-down time. Well, Tigger’s been “over it” for a long time. I finally got to a place where the idea seems very inviting and where I no longer feel pressured to go explore like crazy in every new city.

We Aren’t “Stuck”

One saving grace in all this is that we know we aren’t stuck anywhere we live. If it ends up that we don’t want to stay, don’t want to return to a more “normal” way of life, there’s nothing holding us there. We know how to do this and we know what’s possible. That’s extremely liberating.

It Isn’t All Bad

There are things I am definitely looking forward to. The US has a lot of advantages and benefits, and there are definite positives and many opportunities.

To deal with my fears, concerns, worries, whatever you want to call them, I’ve been working on reframing my thoughts about some things, focusing on the positives, etc. I don’t know that I’ll get to a point where I’m excited to head back, but I hope to at least feel less anxious about it as the time draws closer.

On the plus side, Tigger’s anxiety has been quiescent, and I’m thankful for that. It helps confirm for me that we’re on the right path and that’s extremely helpful.

Going home is just a huge change for us. And big changes can be scary.

For us the first big change moment was Tigger’s major announcement. Just how much it would affect our future travels wasn’t readily apparent until we were having a problem finding an apartment in Budapest and had to face the possibility that we might have to leave for a few months because of Schengen restrictions.

As I looked at the countries that were affordable and outside the Zone, I had to ask about safety. There were plenty of news reports about violence against trans people in Turkey, so that removed them as a possibility. I messaged an LGBT group in Ukraine and asked what the risk level would be for Tigger. “We cannot recommend you come to Ukraine. It is not safe for such situations.”

Thankfully, Romania was still on the table. Although they aren’t the most accepting of LGBT folks, they don’t usually respond with violence. Nearby Bulgaria was a question mark, but most of the responding Bulgarians were offended by my question. “We aren’t like some of you first world countries.” So that was hopeful.

How about Croatia? I asked some organizations, in a Facebook group, and on Reddit. I was basically told it might be safe, it might not be. “But since you’re tourists, you should be okay.”

Not the most reassuring response. Is a bigot going to see someone who looks like a boy wearing a dress, get motivated toward violence but hold themselves back—“Wait! They might be tourists. Perhaps we shouldn’t punch his face in.” It seemed some of the large, expat-centric cities were a safer bet, but it still left me in a near panic at the idea.

A friend suggested I was perhaps overreacting, and I couldn’t disagree. But it’s hard to not take your child’s safety seriously when you see that 1 transgender woman is killed every 21-29 hours (depending on the source). And that number could easily be higher since not all police reports record the person’s transgender status.

After I finally calmed myself down about perceived and possibly imaginary dangers, another issue came to the foreground—Tigger will turn 15 in a few months. As she nears adulthood, she is thinking more about her future. She wants to be able to get a job and start building work experience.

What are the chances of her getting a job in Hungary?

Well, for starters she doesn’t have work rights. If we get residency, our particular path does not grant that permission. Furthermore, there’s no way she’s going to become fluent in Hungarian in a year’s time to get a job even if she had that type of visa. She really isn’t interested in too many of the things that can be done online either.

She also wants to do a legal name change, which we have to do in the US.

Also, there is the question of seeing a therapist who specializes in gender issues, and she would like to do a medical transition (no surgery). Her insurance covers that treatment in the US. It isn’t covered in Hungary. Chances are it would be affordable here, but the quality of treatment, especially from a therapist, would definitely not be there.

Our initial reaction was to return to the US. So, we started looking at that. But the idea made me ill. She wasn’t too enthused about it either even though there are some positives for her.

After doing more research, sitting down and doing a pros and cons list, and chatting some more about it, we decided we would go forward with Hungarian residency. Hormonal treatment doesn’t usually begin until age 16 anyway. So that would give us a year to save up money and emotionally prepare ourselves (me especially) to return to the US. She could begin her treatments, get her legal name change, the gender marker changed on her passport, get a job, etc., and start establishing a local sense of community as she begins the approach to adulthood.

As is always the case for us, this is the thought right now. The idea could change several times between now and then, too. In one year, we still may not feel ready to go back. Also, Hungarian immigration could throw us a big curveball and not grant us residency in which case we’d have to make some fast, hard choices.

For now, though, the idea (I can’t say plan because we just don’t do those things) feels good and right. I can actually, shockingly, see myself being ready to return in a year. We’ve been bouncing around for just over five years. I think I may finally be ready for some “normalcy.”

At least for a month or two [insert wild laughter].

Thankfully, this or our 5th year of continuous travel. We’ll be hitting our 2000th day of travel later this year which is just hard for me to believe.

We’ve had some wonderful adventures and memories along the way. These are some of the highlights for us.

Places We’ve Been

Over the last 5 years, we’ve spent time in 38 countries (some of them multiple times) on six continents. Antarctica is the only continent we’re missing right now.

We’ve spent the most time in Mexico, Central America, and Europe. We definitely need to spend more time in Africa as well. So far we’ve only been to Morocco. We also haven’t made it to Central Asia or the Far East yet.

During that time we’ve lived on an oasis in Morocco, on a Caribbean island in Honduras (our longest stay so far), an almost-200-year-old farm house in England where we cared for 38 laying hens, and in a bungalow on a beach in Thailand while caring for five cats as house sitters.

My Favorite Places

So far Budapest is my favorite city with Prague, Paris, and Edinburgh very close behind. There are many cities I’ve really enjoyed, though.

As far as countries go, Morocco, Czech (soon to be known as Czechia, apparently), Scotland, France, Iceland, Vietnam, Romania, and Mexico rank quite highly.

I also have a great fondness for San Miguel de Allende in Mexico.

My Favorite Memories

We’ve had so many incredible experiences, but the ones that stand out the most for me are:

• Shark diving with Tigger in Honduras.
• Wreck diving with Tigger in Mexico.
• Living on an oasis in Morocco.
• Taking Tigger to the spot on the Eiffel Tower where I knew I was ready to adopt. It was a great closing of the circle.
• Spending time with friends in Paris in 2015.
• Falling head over heels in love with Budapest.
• Visiting Auschwitz.
• Enjoying village life in different parts of England.
• Daily visits by great hornbills to our home on Langkawi in Malaysia.

Tigger’s Favorite Places

She loves Budapest as well. San Miguel de Allende was one of her definite favorites, and Prague ranked highly, too.

Tigger’s Favorite Memories

She had two real standout memories:

• Zip lining across a canyon outside of Baños, Ecuador.
• A recent hike we did in Budapest (even though it kind of kicked our butt).

Hopes for our next year of travel

We’re both hoping to establish residency in Europe, preferably in Budapest.  In addition, I look forward to seeing more of Europe, especially some parts of Scandinavia and more of the Balkans. I am also eager to see the Budapest trams lit up with Christmas lights and to once again enjoy the European Christmas markets.

Tigger is mostly focused on establishing a home and community here in Europe. She doesn’t have the travel itch as much as her father, which means I’ll be doing more solo travel this year. It’s nice that she is at an age and maturity level where she can opt to stay home if I need to appease my travel bug.

Thanks for joining us for the ride!