October in Scotland is usually met with rain, cold, and wind. Yesterday, though, we walked in beautiful sunshine along the shores of Loch Lomond occasionally passing through woods in a park. Some of the trees showed evidence of autumn, and I imagined what the sight would be when the leaves were yellow, orange, and red.
Feeling elated by the wonderful scene and experience, I turned to Tigger and said, “THIS is why I don’t want to move to Mexico.”
No, I’m still not ready to leave Europe. I love walking through the woods, the tree-lined streets, and feeling the hint of chilly weather. I love when it’s just cold enough to increase the sheer joy of hunkering down inside a comforter, standing next to a wall radiator, or soaking in a hot bath.
Walking in the woods feeds me. The sight of verdant hills next to the deep blue of an azure lake just lifts my spirits tremendously.
On the way home, we stopped at a supermarket and I discovered their exotic meats section.
Shortly after stepping foot in the home we are caring for, I naturally decided to do another coin toss. Desperate and pitiful, that’s me! But just like the other 20 times before, the coin was against me and the side for Mexico won all 3 tosses.
Oh, did I mention how Scotland’s rail system is free for kids ages 5-15 when traveling during offpeak hours? There is really no train travel in Mexico. You either fly or take a long bus ride. One of the things I least enjoy about an otherwise lovely country with amazing people.
Yes, I’m looking forward to the food, spending time with my friend, and being able to work at night instead of early in the morning (due to the time zone the company I contract with is located). I really do enjoy Mexico, but I am just not ready to leave Europe.
I know I can come back. I’m not “stuck” anywhere. But, I don’t want to even leave.
All I can say is there must be something incredible waiting for me in Mexico. At least there better be.
Sure, I realize my “problem” is a good entry for #firstworldproblems. I read about the plight of the Syrian refugees desperately fleeing a horrible situation only to be thrust into another one and feel privileged and silly to be whining.
But just like how “Children are starving in Africa” doesn’t make broccoli any more appetizing, the fact that other people have it worse doesn’t help. My heart just isn’t ready to accept it, and I am very tempted to tell Tigger it’s too bad he wants to go to Mexico but my tush is staying here.
“But we’d lose all that money!” he says sagely.
While that prospect does make me wince slightly, it isn’t a loud enough argument to help me firmly resist the idea of not going. I feel like a toddler stomping my foot and yelling, “But I don’t wanna!”
I know that as the temperatures drop and the sunny days slide into more and more gray and wet ones my resolve will likely change, but for now I’m mourning that the day of our departure is quickly coming.
I have a pretty incredible life and amazing freedom, and I am truly thankful for that. But today I’m just going to sit here and whine. And eat more chocolate. And maybe return to the supermarket and pick up some Ben & Jerry’s.
Feel free to roll your eyes as you read this. I’m sitting here sticking my tongue out at you anyway.