Maybe it IS time to settle down

Before we left the US to begin a life of travel, I knew that there was a distinct possibility that when Tigger hit the teenage years he would want to settle down somewhere. I wasn’t surprised when he announced now was the time. He still wants to travel, but he wants more time at a home. He wants less frequency and a shorter duration for our trips.

He identified Mexico as the place he would likely want as a base, and we moved here to see. We’ve been here for almost 2 months, but it didn’t take that long to decide Mexico probably isn’t our base.

Settle down

While he’s perfectly happy getting comfortable somewhere and making it our home, I wasn’t feeling the same way. At least not initially. Now?

I’m just tired.

I don’t know if those 9 weeks in which we sped around Europe has left a lasting effect on me or if I’m just ready for something different than our last 3+ years of travel.

I want friends. Friends that call me up, text me, or whatever and want to meet up for coffee. Or who want to join me for a run. Recently, a friend of mine and I went and had pedicures followed by shopping at Sam’s Club. It was one of the most fun days I’ve had in a while.

Does that sound sad?

Settle down

I’ve written about the friend situation before, and I find it to still be a strong pull for me. I miss those moments greatly. I miss my foodie friends. I also miss meeting another friend, grabbing our bikes, and having a long ride. While travel has definitely introduced me to lots of people, I’m at a point where I’m feeling the isolation more.

And when you change countries and cities frequently, where’s the motivation to make friends? I know I’m leaving soon. It just isn’t the same. I know Tigger experiences this as well.

While I thoroughly enjoy our minimalist life, I also want some stuff. Like a standing mixer and a fully equipped kitchen. And I want to live somewhere that is cool enough—at least most of the year—that I can bake. Man, I miss the simple joy of making bread. As we’ve traveled, we’ve either not had pans, not had an oven, or it’s been too freaking hot to dare turn the oven on most of the time.

I see the latest pictures from my Order and see another ordination ceremony I’ve missed, another chance to work alongside my fellow monks while the kids run through the woods catching frogs. I read another email detailing the plan for the next retreat, and I yearn for that connection once again.

Settle down

There are so many places I still want to experience. But, well, I’m tired. I want to run again. I want to have my favorite trails for cycling and running. I want to find places that become my favorite haunts again. I want to experience that weird joy of going somewhere and having a place to look forward to returning.

I help people take care of pets, and I’m reminded of how much I miss having our own furry family members.

The longer we stay in our home in Cozumel, the more I want to find that place that will end up being our base. Even if it’s just our “base for now.” Who knows? Perhaps in a year, we’ll both be ready to live the nomadic life again.

For now, though, I am so incredibly ready to settle down that it shocks me. Instead of fighting it, I’m just going to embrace it. We aren’t done with travel. It’s just time to change how we do it.

If you’ve done long-term travel, what was your experience? Did you hit a moment where the idea of being homebound actually appealed to you?

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50 Comments

  1. Hello Talon,

    I found this article searching on Seattle (I wonder why). But, I’m glad I did. I’m a native San Diegan, whose home base is Seattle, who’s living in Saudi Arabia. First of all, I just connected your name to your blog and Twitter. 🙂 It’s always nice when that happens. Secondly, I get it. My husband and I, we’re not nomads, technically we live in Saudi Arabia, but I’m on the road so much between Saudi Arabia, Seattle, San Diego, and all spots in between that I’ve seen the affect it’s had on my friendships. That’s been a real bug for my lately. I’ve thought about writing about it, but then I thought it would sound like I was whining. But, it’s a truth some of us have to live with. For me, I miss happy hour. That’s my deal. I miss my favorite restaurants and my favorite bartenders, and my best walking buddy.

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    • I can understand why you would miss those things. Sometimes it’s the small parts of daily life that really make us nostalgic. Glad you got connected!

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  2. I’m the same. Although I love travelling, I also love having a base for the reasons you listed above. We just moved into a 2 bedroom apartment near the beach in Manly and I love it. We are planning to have couchsurfers and will put the spare room on Air BnB and I can’t wait to host other travellers and show them another, quieter side to Sydney. Just do what feels right for you and if it feels like settling then you should definitely do it. It doesn’t matter if you change your mind later on.

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    • Nothing is permanent, so I won’t have a problem if our feelings change. 😉 Manly looks like a beautiful area. I know someone else who lives there.

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  3. You go for it Boys. You should always do what you feel, as you said, you never know when you will be ready to go nomadic again. And let’s be honest there is no possibility that you will ever loose your travel bug even if new travels will be slightly shorter and you will be always coming back ‘your place’ 🙂 You Boys travel constantly, I never did that. I travel for 9 years now but always going back home for a week or two, for weddings, for birthday parties. I travelled long enough to understand that keeping friends take a big amount of effort, devotions and time. I’m myself on the edge, one day I think about settling down somewhere for longer (here is my apartment in Tel Aviv) or just leaving for a whole year, dropping everything, doing sth new… and I actually think I will go for 2nd option, of well I’m helpless 🙂

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    • It’s really hard when you have a strong dose of wanderlust as well as a desire to have more routine and stability.

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  4. A lot of people here having saying they crave a base and that’s the decision for them to stop travelling so much. For me it’s different as I’ve almost always had somewhere where I could ultimately plonk myself in case of emergency.

    I’ve just reached that burnout stage and it’s mainly because I’m just tired! I need to sit and rest a while and reflect upon which bits of my travels I have enjoyed the most and then try and do those sorts of trips in the future. For me, the ones I have enjoyed the most have been roadtrips and long journeys into the unknown… Also visiting lesser known countries. So my recent trip to South Korea was very disappointing and I knew at the point that I need to change how and where I travel… not just travel for travel’s sake.

    It’s interesting to hear that other people are having similar issues with travel! What next?!

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    • Yep, sometimes you just need to stop and look back to decide how you move forward. Picking a base is proving to be our biggest challenge so far.

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  5. Hi, I read your post with empathy – after almost 4 years on the move I am finding myself dreaming more and more about my little cottage somewhere with all my own things in it, and a dog of my own … yet I can’t quite make the final decision just yet. Good luck with finding your ‘place to call home, for now’ …

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  6. I think this is great for you and your son, Talon! Personally, I just don’t think I have the nomadic gene in me. I love to travel, explore the world’s people and places and cultures, and have amazing adventures. But I also love being at home with my lady and my kiddo and my dog just as much (and possibly more). Having a home base helps me stay grounded, gives me a place/time to reflect on the incredible experiences we’ve been blessed with, and after a while I get itchy and start planning the next trip. The “perfect balance” is very difficult to achieve, but it’s what we work towards every day!

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    • The nomadic life definitely isn’t for everyone. I think it might be different if I was solo as well. It’s a lot easier when you don’t have to care how someone else is feeling. lol

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  7. This all sounds totally natural and I enjoy your honesty. Travel is tiring. Deep relationships are important. Even nomads travel with their families and their own belongings, addressing some of the things you talk about missing. Continue to follow your heart!

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  8. I have never experienced travel like this so I can only imagine, but isn’t there an awful lot of expectation built into shorter stays? My very few international trips were equally exhilarating and exhausting- so much to see and do and I always had some wonderful thing left on the list. There is some beauty in just being home, to know there is always another day, some permission to linger.
    I hope you enjoy finding your just-right nest. If you should ever land in Colorado, I’d happily buy you a coffee. I’m grateful to have been along on your adventure.

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    • I think it depends on how you travel. When we go somewhere, we usually don’t have expectations of things to see and do. We like to get there and discover things as we go along. Also, we usually have no planned departure date which helps.

      I don’t think we’ll be settling back in Colorado. Most likely it will be in the Pacific Northwest or Europe.

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  9. Sounds like human nature to me. And no, it’s not sad to want someone to call you up, have coffee with and get your toes painted, ahem, have a pedicure. There are no rules, or right and wrong. Hope you two decide soon and make the move to be happy (ier)

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    • Thanks! We have some house sits in the US beginning in less than 2 months, so we’ll at least get a bit of a break as we’re back in familiar territory and not having to deal with visa issues. This winter will be the big tell, really. I thin we’ve narrowed it down to the Pacific Northwest or Prague. It will be nice to have a decision here in a few months.

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  10. I totally get it, especially the parts about fighting it and being tired. I don’t want to stay in one place but finding someplace new feels exhausting. Staying put and taking a couple month long trips sounds better to me lately. Albeit expensive!

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    • I think as long as we continue doing local & domestic travel, that will help. We definitely aren’t done with travel, but we’re both ready for some settled time for sure.

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  11. My longer term travel has always had a specific time limitation built in, so it’s not quite the same as needing a break from open-ended nomadic lifestyle. But I understand 100% what you mean. Travel fatigue is real. At a certain point, we lose the ability to appreciate and enjoy the advantages of travel as compared to the downside.

    Also, everything you said about having pets, friends and certain stuff (tech gear & sporting gear mostly) is why I can’t envision myself being without a home base in the future.

    Not sure how universal it is, but I can pin point my sense of feeling settled in terms of:

    2-3 days – get your bearings, feel like you know basics of a place, only chance or superficial encounters likely with other people you meet

    2-3 weeks – feeling like you have a temp base & light sense of culture/geograpy, maybe opportunities for overtures to get to know some people a little more, maybe not

    2-3 months – deeper understanding of geography/shortcuts and appreciation of culture/gap, likely to meet at least 1 or 2 people through regular encounters where there might be a chance of more than superficial conversation

    2-3 years – amount of time it takes to be full permanent base (with network of friends, service providers, etc.)

    The beginning of each time period takes the most energy & effort (but can be the most fun and exciting if you like where you are). Near the end of the time frame, you can get bored or feel ready to “move on” but if you are staying, you will just slip into the next time frame more seamlessly & with a minor energy recharge.

    From personal experience, I know that I’m tired of restarting the 2-3 year clock on the permanent base, and that I’d rather have one longer-term base from which I can do short 2-3 day trips constantly and 2-3 week trips occasionally. I’m not sure I’m cut out for the 2-3 month long stays anymore (if it’s not a try-out for a permanent place). When I was younger, I enjoyed the feeling of being a regular/working person in a different culture or environment & I’m sure it shaped my worldviews and appreciation for different ways of looking at things. So being somewhere that amount of time was an interesting way of gaining those experiences. Now, though, it just feels like a poor man’s version of the permanent base to me. Sense of home/being stuck somewhere without any of the support networks or creature comforts that we associate with home.

    I have no idea if this time frame matches some internal clock we all have or not. Your description sounds a bit like it, though.

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    • Interesting observations. It does seem like the 3-year mark is a trigger for many long-term travelers.

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  12. You are always welcome to bake at my house. I’ve got the stand mixer, loads of kitchen gadgets, and good oven. My house is relatively cool due to good ventilation. Then there’s the garden and little cooling pool. I may even turn on the mini-split in the living room, if you get too warm.

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  13. As much as we love to travel, we both want a home base to return to. Neither one of us would make good long-term nomadic travelers. We like being home, planning the next adventure, catching our breath, having the down time, etc., plus – and most importantly – we don’t like long absences from our son and daughter-in-law. They’re too precious to us to not see them for extended lengths of time. Hopefully, you’ll find your “settle here” spot soon. And… be careful … you’ve heard of the crazy cat lady, right?! 😉

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    • And who knows, soon you may have a grandbaby in that mix. 😉

      No worries about the crazy cat dude syndrome. We took care of 5 cats once, and that was about 3 cats too many. LOL

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  14. Absolutely I felt I was done with traveling toward the end of our yearlong RTW trip. This may have had to do with timing, after all the end of the trip was near and it was time to prepare for the return. I was ready to go home. Or it may have been, as many bloggers have pointed out, the one-year travel exhaustion thing. Either way, I decided that returning to my adopted hometown doesn’t mean the end of travel for me/us. Portland, Oregon, is now just another stop on our permanent travel journey, even though we intend to stay for a few years. Is that settling down? I don’t think so, just taking a break, being stationary, while remaining a traveler. Good luck!

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    • That’s how we’ll approach our base. I doubt it will be permanent. Just a longer stop between trips. I guess time will tell! Plus, he’ll be an adult in 5 short years. I may be ready to stretch my solo traveler wings again by then.

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  15. I completely get where you are coming from — especially as I love to cook and I like “stuff.” Having my own pans, mixer, etc. I am very blessed that right now I can say I live in Belize and the Netherlands. I have found myself spending most of my time here in Belize and it’s helped to create a good network of friends, colleagues, etc., that I can count on. I like having two home bases and, as of right now, I have zero desire to go back to the US to live. Wish you the best of luck on wherever you guys end up!

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    • Right now the only US draw is familiarity, not needing a visa, and ease of making friends for the kiddo. We shall see, though, what transpires. Wherever we end up, we definitely need a local network of friends. I’m just too social.

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  16. We’re very much going through the same thoughts and processes right now, thinking that we want to keep going, to keep experiencing new places and the people within them. Trouble is, I’m tired and I’m right with you about wanting a kitchen, Franca especially!

    Also, we too love looking after the pets we housesit for, but having our own has been our dream for the longest time. Maybe it’s time now?

    Don’t fight it, just go with the flow.

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    • I completely get that tired feeling. I’m definitely there. Even the idea of having to find accommodations, transportation, etc., for the next place just exhausts me.

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  17. Great post Talon. I totally feel the same right now, I’ve been living in New Zealand for over two years, and there I started to make a home for myself, then I moved on to travel again, and although its only been three months, I’m starting to crave a base, somewhere that I can call home, and have more than 3kg of clothing to wear. This is possibly heightened by the fact that most of my friends are getting married and having children. I love travelling, but I love somewhere I can call home.
    I hope you and tigger find somewhere you feel at home and is right for you both.

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    • You reminded me about clothes! Man, I would just love to have more than 3 T-shirts! What a luxury!

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  18. Oh sweetheart – you know that I know precisely what you are saying. There comes a time when you know – you just know. When it hit me, I was broadsided. After 28 years of travel, the desire to settle down and put down roots was something I had not experienced, and had a hard time wrapping my head around it. Once I finally embraced it, a stationary life was (and remains) delightful. Find your spot and fall in love with being part of a greater community!

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    • Yep! Once you hit that moment, you completely know it. It isn’t even an “I wonder. . . ” Now I just want to settle on a place and just do it!

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  19. I totally get you both. I used to travel all the time and enjoy it a lot, but now I travel spontaneously and have a base as well. It’s always nicer to come back from your trip and know you can hang out with your friends and share your travel stories in person 😉

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  20. After 8.5 yrs in India it was hard to think about coming ‘home’, but it was the time. Its not been easy thats for sure, but 2 yrs into it, it has been worth it. My fears of not being able to travel haven’t materialized. Yes we don’t get to travel across the world all the time and my airline milage accounts are almost empty, but we have experienced america which has been just as exciting. And easier, which sometimes you just need!

    Come live in LA! Not cool weather though.. Does tigger want to go to school when you return or will you continue unschooling/homeachooling?

    Congrats on your decision. I think you guys will love finding your place and nesting. And the open road is always there for you to return to (and at the least 3 months of summer vacation!)

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    • Tigger is most adamant about not returning to traditional school, so we’ll keep unschooling wherever we end up.

      California isn’t really a place I enjoy living too much. If we stay in the US, most likely it would be in Oregon or Washington state.

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  21. Your post made me feel a bit homesick! I’ve been living as an expat for the past 3 1/2 years. I know it’s nothing like being completely nomadic, but I still miss a lot of the same things you mentioned.

    Good luck with your transition!

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  22. I’m right there with you! After 3+ years of not having my own home I am so ready to nest. I don’t want to stop traveling but I want to hang clothes in a closet, have dinner parties and invest in some nice things. If my home wasn’t such a tourist destination and there wasn’t such an opportunity to make quick money there I would have no idea where to settle down. I don’t envy that decision.

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    • The joys of dinner parties! I’ve REALLY missed having local friends during the holidays. We’re accustomed to being around lots of people, having people over, etc., and during travel it’s mostly just been him and me for the holidays. This year Tigger really badly wanted to spend Thanksgiving with other people. So he’ll get his wish which will be nice.

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  23. Totally get this. To everything there is a season. Hoping you find that right place and are happy there 🙂

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    • So very true. We’ll find it. It’s just harder when you have so many places you absolutely love. I kind of think, though, that we’ll prob end up in the US in the Pacific Northwest.

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  24. Talon,
    Long time no ‘see!’ Your post really hit home, as we are going through the exact same process. We love living simply, but also want a ‘base’ we can call home, to have ‘things’ like bicycles, a proper home office, etc. Looks like Taiwan is going to be that place for us. Take care!!

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    • I thought you had all that in Chiang Mai, too. Although I’m not surprised you’re heading to Taiwan.

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