1 month and the culture shock remains

In just a few days, we will have been back in the US for a month. And the culture shock remains. I don’t completely understand why, either.

When I reflect on our travels, it’s never taken me so long to adjust to an area. Typically, we arrive and begin adapting rapidly. Even though we know we’re outsiders, it rarely ever feels that way even when there is a language barrier.

culture shock

The only thing I can think of is that when you’re traveling to unfamiliar places you plan on feeling unsettled, being surprised at things, and so on. You expect things to be different, and that is actually part of the allure. When you’re returning to your native land, I suppose you expect things to be as you remember and that you’ll just slide back into your typical groove because it’s familiar and “home.” But not so much.

I still find myself acclimating to the strangest things. Like being in a restaurant and being asked if I’m ready to place my order when I haven’t even been handed a menu and there’s nothing on the wall to inform me of my choices. Or how my glass of iced tea keeps getting topped up without my asking (and without an extra charge).

I still keep forgetting that the price that’s listed isn’t what I’ll have to pay at the cashier. Unlike everywhere else we’ve been, the tax is added at the register and the listed price is pretax. That has caught me by surprise more than once.

We’ve been in Austin for about 3 weeks so far, and I’ve been to an ATM twice. I do love being able to use my debit card virtually everywhere.

I remember laughing when I saw my European friends commenting on the food in America. “The bread tastes like cake!” I hadn’t really noticed that before, but we really do like putting sugar in practically everything. The drinks are so sweet here that I can’t enjoy sodas. I can’t get past the first sip.

culture shock

Being a big fan of people watching, I have spent some time doing just that. It feels like many Americans are just going through the motions of life. I encounter very few friendly strangers in places where friendliness used to be a trademark. I see so many people who seem to have lost a lot of hope, the carefully crafted facade showing cracks and seams.

I decided I wasn’t going to let the lack of friendliness affect me, and so I’ve gone out and greeted strangers, chatted people up, etc., and have been met with so much shock and suspicion that I find myself withdrawing into a shell when I’m in public.

It’s weird to find so little touch, too. When chatting with the market people in many other countries, there’s often a touch on the shoulder as a thanks or when you’re sharing a laugh. People try so hard to not touch you as they breeze past here. Yeah, I’m not a fan of the contact sport of walking down Hanoi streets, but I do miss not feeling so much tension when I dare move in a bit toward someone.

Although, sometimes it IS fun watching them back away as you get closer. Entertainment for the evil, I suppose.

While I continue to enjoy the conveniences of living in the US, and am enjoying the very outdoors-oriented Austin city, I still feel very much an outsider. The sterility and uniformity continue to weigh on me. Sometimes I find myself completely without ideas of what to discuss with people because our life and attitude are so incredibly different. In many areas of the world, that was something that was welcomed and was fascinating. Here it’s either a dream world or a major oddity.

Tigger continues to be frustrated with all the rules everywhere and feeling like his being different is more of a strike against him.

culture shock

We’re enjoying reconnecting with friends and family, but I can’t say the American experiment is going well. I try to focus on the positive and just accept that really anywhere we go we’re going to be outsiders to a degree. We ARE different, and we have changed. Be it language, culture, whatever, anywhere we go we’re on the fringe.

But for some reason, we have been in places where it just didn’t feel so strong and alien. In fact, most places have been that way for us.

Part of me really wants it to work out and thinks Washington state will feel differently for us, but the other thinks Tigger’s idea of exploring Canada as a possible long-term base is a really great one.

Reverse culture shock just sucks.

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33 Comments

  1. I’m in Poland with my family for a year. We’re halfway through and I’m already concerned about returning to the States. Granted, the only impression we’re getting about the U.S. right now comes from Fb and the internet, and we don’t speak or read Polish so we’re not exactly clear on the general atmosphere across this nation, but it feels to me like there is a current of rage in America right now. There seems to be so much anger and hostility, and extremism appears to become a norm. I find myself wondering if that’s only the case on social media, or has it always been this way and I didn’t perceive it because I was immersed in it. Or, and this is what I fear, has the political divide in the U.S. become so wide that the country is on the precipice of . . . well, I really don’t know what. Are you feeling something akin to this?

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    • Unfortunately, there is a lot of that in the US. I think the extremism isn’t practiced as much as it is in the media, but I’d say your feelings are similar to what we experienced while there. It’s especially hard returning after spending a lot of time in Europe. 🙁

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  2. Bigger personal, bodily distance is just a fact of life in the States, I’ve found (I am from Slovakia, have lived here since 2003).

    May I chime in for Portland? Not only is there no sales tax in Oregon and hence no surprises at the register, many a traveler has remarked how nice people are here.

    Having returned from a RTW trip in the summer, I’ve had a fair share of reverse culture shock even as a recent immigrant, so I hear you. But, as you wrote, being back is just another adjustment to a place and a culture that’s no different from adjustments to places/people outside the U.S. Or is it just we Americans have higher expectations of this country?

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    • I like Portland, but I’m not sure it’s a city I’d want to live in long term.

      I think when one returns home they have much different expectations than for foreign countries.

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  3. I’m so pleased that for whatever reason things aren’t quite how you’d have hoped, you’re not changing anything about yourself to better fit in with people. Stay the same, be yourself, don’t conform.

    I suppose after so much time on the road you change more so than the places you leave, thereby making it harder to return. Makes me wonder if we’ll have trouble reintegrating when the time comes.

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    • Conformity isn’t something I do well. LOL I wasn’t that connected with the typical American culture I left so this is a double wallop for sure.

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  4. Is it possible that in your heart you really don’t want to be here? I find that the older I get the less friends I seem to have and the least friendly strangers seem to be. And yes the US is monotonous. The same fast food places, chains stores, big box stores, chain restaurants, you name it, it all looks the same. Only the weather is different. I do remember the tax thing from years ago when I went from Montana with no sales tax to Washington, what a pain!

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    • I don’t know. In some ways, I’m hopeful it feels different when we’re back in WA, and in other ways I’m ready to be back in Europe.

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  5. Tony & I were JUST talking about how one of the hardest things about being home is how unfriendly everyone here seems to be. I mean, I know Canadians have a reputation for being a friendly lot, but compared to the people we met in Asia, it often seems like everyone is miserable and hostile and it’s so offputting. I remember thinking that a smile and open heart could get us so far on the road, but here, it seems like making yourself vulnerable like that will just get you crushed. So, I feel you, Talon, I really do!

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    • That is so hard to deal with, although I’m a bit relieved to read that someone else is noticing something similar and feeling challenged by it. 🙁

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  6. I guess travel really does change you and your outlook towards life, thus we can land up not enjoying the same things we used to. I also feel that when I travel, it’s such a different world from real life. But you guys have been on the road for so long, so I’m sure that feeling is much more intense. Anyways, I wish you both the best! 🙂

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  7. I hear ya about friendliness of people and touching too. Two of the reasons I enjoy Fairbanks and other small towns in Alaska. People stop and chat ALL the time, and lots of hugs. Oh yeah, and the Aurora Borealis. Some of the reasons I can’t seem to leave, and we really don’t enjoy being Florida either.

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  8. Really interesting post. Reverse culture shock is one of the things that scares me most about traveling. Hopefully, Washington will be better. I’m a Seattle native and I always think the Pacific Northwest is like different country than the rest of the US. Although even there, I think people can be more closed off. I do love BC and have always found the people on Vancouver Island really friendly.

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    • The PNW is very different from other areas of the country, so I have hope. I’ve never really experienced this type of culture shock until we did long-term travel so people doing shorter trips probably won’t have to deal with it.

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  9. I went back to the UK for 8 months at one point in the last 27 years, and found pretty much what you describe here – apart from the sweet bread of course! Yet I used to visit my aunt in Yorkshire, and found life quite different, less rushed and the people more friendly. Even in the same country places can be so utterly different that you feel as if you’re not in the same country – as I know you know already! I remember hiring a babysitter one night many years ago in Florida. She came from California, and had moved to Texas at one point, where she’d felt everything you describe yet within her own country. From an open and enquiring lifestyle in California, she’d been frustrated by the conformity and conservatism of Texas. Florida she found somewhere in between. And yet, a comment above says that southern California is not the place to find “home” either. I’m at a loss too. Perhaps some of us will never feel truly at home anywhere, though we’d like to!

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    • Hopefully it’s just a matter of finding the right place for yourself and giving yourself time to adapt. I don’t know, but it sure is frustrating sometimes.

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  10. I’ll be back in the UK in January for the first time in 4.5 years, so your post is an interesting read for me. I don’t really know what to expect, but I think I’ll also have more problems adjusting to the UK than to Asia. Everything seems easy going in the part of the world, and one thing I remember about the UK is that’s it’s much more bound up in rules and regulations covering just about everything.

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    • The UK felt very much like the US in that regard for sure. And coming from SE Asia to that . . . yeah, buckle up, mate.

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  11. Talon, yeah we have had those “reverse culture shock” moments AND can completely relate to your experiences. I still forget the no tax added thing in the US nearly evrey time I go. Everything in the US tastes sweet…..everything! Watched an interesting BBC documentary the other day where 2 doctors test the US vs Sugar and UK vs Fat theories. I think maybe your experiences thus far are in 2 ‘extreme’ states… Florida and Texas. I personally found the West coast SO much more liberal, relaxed, open-minded. Hopefully you will find Washington a different experience.

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    • Washington is much more relaxed, open minded, and chill so it should be a very different experience. Although I haven’t been there in about 6 years. Hopefully things haven’t changed too much.

      The tax things drives me crazy!

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  12. I agree with Dalene about visiting interior BC to see how you like it there. The Gulf Islands also habour quirky and artistic communities and are very friendly. I spent time on Denman Island and Quadra Island and they were wonderful

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  13. I think a lot of Americans feel similar to you, frankly! As a chatty person, I have had to come to grips that sometimes my friendliness and desire to get to know (random) people and their stories is seen as a bother. Other times it has led to lifelong friend ships! But you are right that it is often met with suspicion. I see that you’re coming to Washington – we live on Bainbridge Island, and it’s pretty friendly. Stop by if you’re near!

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    • I agree. Its definitely not the norm to find someone willing to slow down for a minute and have a chat. It always makes my day when someone stops me or responds to my hello with a little conversation. I was thinking it was just southern California and we’ve considered trying the midwest. Already did Seattle and did not find it there. I hope Bellingham proves to provide that for you.

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      • That’s a shame. One of the things I liked about Seattle when I lived in WA was how friendly the people were. It sounds like things have changed. 🙁 We shall see. I’m hoping for the best but preparing that Europe may be our next destination.

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    • Bainbridge is so lovely! We’ll be on Whidbey for a few weeks. Not sure what we’ll be doing after that.

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  14. I think part of it too is that we get so used to the strange that we seek that out. But here not much is strange it’s all the same. Monotonous really. That may be part of the issue. If you get settled someplace finding the quirkiness of an area may be what helps:). Come here for a bit, we have loads of quirk;)

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  15. While you will find many of the same frustrations in Canada, if you really do want to explore it, head straight north and spend some time in interior BC. A lot of great artistic towns, and much more of a sense of “community” then most other places in the country.

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