The realities of traveling as a man

I’ve been told many times that I am so brave for quitting my job and setting off with my then 9-year-old son to slowly travel the world indefinitely as nomads. Before that I was “brave” for traveling solo.

I’ve never seen myself as being particularly brave for traveling. So many people did it before me. Since I also don’t buy into the culture of fear propagated by the media and my government, it’s just never been a big concern for me.

Traveling as a single parent was a bit of a different issue. Not because of safety concerns but because of “What if something happens to me? What will happen to Tigger?” Sure, that was a question at home, but there I had a bevvy of people who would come to his aid. In another country where he couldn’t speak the language? Would his anxiety get the better of him? Would he be able to remember who to ask for help and who to call?

Traveling in Honduras

As I’ve continued to travel, I’ve learned that, like with so many things in life, being a man has some major advantages.

There have been several stories of female tourists being raped in India. In a popular tourist haunt in Mexico, boyfriends were forced to watch a group of men rape their girlfriends.

I adored Morocco. Marrakech was such another world, but I was so pleased when simply saying la shukran (no, thank you) was all that was necessary to get the touts to leave me alone. I was absolutely stunned to hear this wasn’t everyone’s experience. My female friends had very different experiences in Morocco. MaryAnne wrote about the horrendous treatment she received in Fez. My companion in lizard eating in Vietnam, Lauren, shared some of her experiences that ultimately ruined Morocco for her.

I was absolutely stunned to hear of their experiences. Especially in Muslim countries where many interactions between the sexes are considered inappropriate. Other female friends shared their stories of horrid harassment of themselves and their daughters in countries like Egypt and Indonesia.

Traveling in Marrakech

Here are some other areas I’ve discovered I have it made traveling as a man:

  • I am rarely ever harassed in any way. Even when touts bug me, it’s typically less than what a woman goes through. Part of this might be my size and look. I have a large-framed body. Even if I wasn’t overweight, I can look quite formidable. Having been trained in martial arts has also given me a degree of confidence others may not have. I “put that out there” when I walk around town. I know I can look intimidating, and I use that to my advantage. It has worked very well for me. Most women don’t have that fortune.
  • On a beach or in beach towns, I could walk around shirtless to stay cool, whereas a woman may not even be able to walk around with exposed shoulders. In Essaouira, I marveled at how men would show up on the beach, strip down to their tight underwear and go for a swim. When they exited the water, no imagination was necessary to see what was being covered by fabric. Meanwhile, a woman was clothed from head to foot while her naked children frolicked in the waves. In some countries even dressing modestly does not protect a woman from being harassed.
  • I know some women who travel with other women, and they are still often targets of robbery or worse. Even women traveling with a male partner aren’t always safe. As a big dude, I’ve had virtually no issues at all in all of my years of travel.
  • My son can walk among crowds without fear of being molested while my friend’s young daughter has had to endure being touched, receiving indecent proposals, being leered at, and so on. Yes, this happens in developed nations like the US, too, but I think it’s a bit more scary for someone when they’re in a foreign country. And I would say these would be quite rare for someone who is under 12 years old to experience in the US, while in many countries even a girl of 5 isn’t necessarily safe from harassment.
  • I generally have less issues with dishonest taxi drivers and touts than many of the women travelers I know. Haggling is often much easier for me, and I usually get a better price. Part of that might come down to skill, but I believe most of it is because I’m a male and can pull off that “don’t give me that crap” look more convincingly.

Traveling in Essaouira

I by no means am inferring that travel is unsafe for women. Generally speaking, travel is very safe for anyone who has at least half a brain. Pay attention and keep your wits about you (which applies everywhere, including in your home location), and you’ll most likely have no problems.

But, I do have to admit that the world is just a bit more safe and easy for a man. Which I find very sad.

What has been your experience while traveling?

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44 Comments

  1. Your totally right! It’s easier for a man to travel. Especially in muslim countries. Would love to go to Iran someday. But for now it’s almost impossible for a woman to travel there. Maybe someday…..

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    • I know women who have traveled to Iran. The only thing they had to do differently was dress modestly and wear a head covering.

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  2. Yep. It’s a shame that’s the way it is, but it definitely seems easier for men. I made a good female friend while travelling in Syria and Jordan, and on multiple occasions, she told me (out of the blue it seemed) that I was suddenly her “boyfriend” for that moment/afternoon/evening in reaction to some unwanted attention from male tour guides, which I’d been completely oblivious to before. Unfortunately, it seems that in some Muslim countries SOME men (I’m trying carefully not to over generalise!) believe that foreign women somehow “don’t count” and are therefor fair game to treat in wildly inappropriate ways that they’d never consider doing with local women, at least not in public.

    P.S. “Travel is very safe for anyone who has at least half a brain” – love this; so true!

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    • I have heard the same thing about the attitudes toward foreign women. They wouldn’t say or act this way toward local women but feel foreigners are fair game. Which is really sad on many levels.

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  3. Great article Talon. I have experienced some minor harassment, mostly in the US. As someone else said, I’m just not willing to travel where I feel there’s a big chance of having trouble. Most of my travels are in Europe and the US so mostly safe. The trains stations in Italy can be a drag, but I’ve no problem yelling really loudly and that usually does the trick.

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    • I completely understand why you would feel that way. At the same time it saddens me that women even have to worry about it.

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  4. I’ve had some crap happen to me while I solo traveled as a female…nothing major and in retrospect, things could have happened if I had not been so aware of my surroundings. Before I set off on my 5 month RTW, I took a self-defense class. I listen to my gut. I’m assertive when I need to be, even when it makes me uncomfortable. It got EXHAUSTING having to deal with the touts and scams in SE Asia and India…so much so I was very happy to leave, even though I enjoyed those places so much!

    I remember one instance in India, I was out with an Indian man, a coworker of an Israeli woman I met in Jerusalem. He was showing me around, we met for coffee and hung out twice. I told him I thought I was getting overcharged for my autorickshaw and so he made sure the guy ran the meter and sure enough, I was getting charged double. Am I splitting hairs over a dollar? Yeah, I am but for me it’s always a principle thing.

    I knew I was being treated differently in many of the countries I visited because I was a woman. I tried not to automatically go there and give people the benefit of the doubt but after a while you realize it really is a man’s world outside the US (and often in the US) and it’s just irritating after that.

    I appreciate your words though Talon. Thanks for writing this piece.

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  5. I’ve traveled with a girlfriend and I’ve traveled with a male partner. In my opinion, I am treated much better when I am traveling with a man, particularly a tall, large-framed, formidable “don’t mess with me man” kind of man.

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  6. As a woman who’s traveled on my own a lot over the years, it’s fascinating to hear a man’s perspective on (almost) solo travel. Sounds like it’s still more of a man’s world out there than you’d think.

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  7. It’s so interesting to hear this from a man’s perspective. As a woman who travels a lot, I’ve also mastered the “leave me alone, I won’t take any crap” attitude, and it goes a long ways toward keeping touts and creepy guys at bay. Mostly, they’re just looking to harass someone who won’t fight back. Like you, I have a martial arts background, and I find that gives me the confidence to pull it off. I’d highly recommend self defense training (not necessarily martial arts training, but some sort of self defense) to any woman (or man).

    Your article did make me think a lot about how my travel experience differs from my husband’s experience. As I said, I’m physically capable of defending myself, and I have a lot of travel experience, and yet there are many situations where I’m very uncomfortable, just because I’m a woman. In Marrakech, it was my husband who walked out after dark to get supplies, as it’s just implicit that it’s much safer for him to go out alone. I constantly (and largely unconsciously) survey almost every man I meet, from taxi drivers, to men I pass in the hall or elevator, to shopkeepers in a deserted store, as a potential danger. I’m quite sure that he doesn’t need the same level of constant vigilance.

    We had a different experience in Marrakech with the touts. When we went out as a family (2 kids, a male and female adult), the touts weren’t too bad, but Charles reports that when he went out alone, he was absolutely swarmed by touts.

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    • That’s interesting he was swarmed more when he was alone. I guess they think you’re easy pickings then. I just think it’s a real shame women have to be more concerned than men so many times.

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  8. Personally I’ve never had any problems during our travels that go outside the usual persistent sales techniques of market sellers and tea shop merchants, the same I can’t say for Franca.

    Franca has often told me about the men that leer at her and on one occasion in a particular country where a man actually asked her if she wanted to join him for some fun (I wasn’t around at the time). For the most part she doesn’t care, but there are times where it does make her feel uncomfortable but not all that much more than being eyed up by guys on a train in the UK.

    I’m glad to think that I’m there as her protector and that perhaps just my presence has been enough to deter someone, I just wish that it wasn’t necessary and that she could feel safe whether if I was there or not.

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  9. Important post. I think a lot about where I’d like to travel with my kid, and do have second thoughts about certain places. Fact is, I’m more nervous about HER well-being than my own. Already, she’s been leered at and cat-called. It pisses me off that I have to watch our backs because we’re female, even in our own neighborhood in NY.

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  10. I couldn’t agree more we definitely have it easier but as you said it all comes down to that basic rule of having your wits about you and you should be alright.

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  11. It’s interesting to hear a man’s input, for sure. My boyfriend is a military pilot and travels to countries that I would consider unsafe for a woman, though my stubborness in insisting I travel to other places (Morocco and Jordan included) has him worried. As Elle said – what’s important is awareness.

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    • Definitely awareness is a HUGE thing. Morocco and Jordan are at least some of the safer countries for women.

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  12. Yeah I’ve often thought the same thing, that we men have it quite a bit easier when traveling — especially when it comes to solo travel. It is always disappointing to hear stories of our female friends being harassed or worse along the road. They don’t always have the luxury of being as carefree as us men. “Can I trust this drink?” “Should I follow this man leading me down a dark alley?” Etc…

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    • Yes, it’s such an extra challenge for women doing solo travel, which is really a shame. You’d think we’d be further along in the 21st century.

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  13. I had some guy try to follow me today (and not in Harlem, even though we’re living up here the next couple of months). Was super creepy. I basically won’t go places where sexual harassment is likely to be an issue.

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  14. Travelling IS easier and safer for a man, no doubt about it. There are loads of things I have to think of while I’m planning my trips, what more when I actually get there and I’m out on my own. Having said that, I enjoy travelling alone and I don’t plan to stop anytime :-).

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    • Definitely an increased sense of awareness and difficulty. I really admire women doing solo travel.

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  15. Done the solo female travel thing for years, working in a very male dominated field. I always sort of figure life if you’re female in general is sort of like playing a video game on a slightly higher difficulty setting- you can still excel without question, you just need to pay a bit more attention and keep your wits about you. 😉

    No really, I haven’t been harassed too much while traveling solo in large part because I find there are a lot of lovely, interesting places to visit where it’s not too much a factor (and frankly a life in physics prepped me to ignore the low-level stuff pretty well…). I do remember visiting Egypt with my family at age 13 though and feeling *really* uncomfortable because old guys kept telling my dad how hot I was and what not- under the guise of “a compliment” of course. Yeah, that was weird, especially for a nerdy girl who’d never considered her looks much before.

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  16. Very interesting — as a woman, I thank you for sharing the male perspective!

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  17. Honest post. I think I enjoyed some of the same experiences as you because I had Mike with me. Oddly enough, a male friend of mine went to Morocco with another male a few months ago and had a horrible time being harassed by touts. They ended up hating Morocco because of it. On the contrary, Mike and I enjoyed our time there. We ignored touts or said la shukran, and they mostly vanished. Interesting to see the different experiences based on gender.

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    • It definitely depends where in Morocco you go. Some cities, like Fez, have very aggressive touts, and it can truly ruin the experience for you. We adored Morocco, but I wonder if I had been traveling solo if my experience would’ve been the same, especially in rural Morocco.

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  18. Thanks for this honest look at the realities of gender and being in different places. While we often assume that people share the same cultural values, it for sure isn’t true. Being aware is a good start.

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  19. Thoughtful post. Appreciate your perspective.

    When I was 21 and living in Paris, I passed as a man for three months. Then I freaked out, bought a skirt, and went out as a woman again. Finally my gf arrived with her best friend, a man, so I also had the experience of going in public as a woman accompanied by a man. The different between the three experiences: night and day. To this day I recommend passing as a man to any woman who can pull it off. Traveling as a woman alone is horrible in comparison–so annoying, inconvenient and sometimes a bit scary. As a man, other men don’t constantly bother and accost you. As a side benefit, you get better treatment in the shops. The only drawback is when you need to use a bathroom.

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    • Wow, I didn’t know you did that. I can believe the experiences were quite different, which is rather sad.

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  20. I think your penultimate paragraph hit the nail on the head, “Pay attention and keep your wits about you”. I believe that is what sets “travellers” apart from “tourists” (the latter generally leaving their brains on the plane).

    I too am lucky that I have never experienced hassles anywhere I have visited, although I know some who have.

    I love your blog, and happily stalk follow… you and your lad as you wander.

    Elle x

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    • Thanks, Elle! Yeah, there is definitely a difference between the clueless wanderer and someone who is alert.

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  21. I am a women who loved Morocco. Maybe it’s because I traveled with a man, or maybe it’s because I don’t expect to find Western values when I travel. Probably a bit of both. However, I agree that it is much easier and inherently safer to travel to as a man than as a women. And, of course, much cooler. We laugh now at some of the photos where the girls and I and are covered from elbow to ankle in the sweltering heat and hubby is in shorts and a t-shirt.

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    • It is MUCH cooler. I had to wear one of those robes when we went to the national mosque in KL, and it was stifling. I don’t know how women do it in this heat!

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  22. I’ve been fortunate to not experience extreme treatment as described in your posts. But I must point out that whilst I lived in Croatia – Split – for 3 months – I was the only brown person in the city. I felt very conscious of my presence then cos of the intense starring at me. Initially I thought it was about being in an mix racial relationship – but it was sadly not the case. No one was mean in other aspects but having such attention did not feel comfortable . Other than that – my travel experience has been wonderful

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    • It can be tough being constantly stared at for sure. I’m glad you weren’t treated poorly, though.

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