25 responses

  1. Shelly
    September 10, 2013

    Bravo Talon! This is a great piece of writing – so full of truths. You give a great reflection and understanding of human beings here! I’m a mom of an 8 yr old boy who hasn’t begun to use social media, but I can apply everything that you’ve said to his life / our lives together as he grows and learns how to navigate his wonderful journey of life. It makes me so sad that adults can’t treat children as human beings with their own minds. Thanks for the reminders to all of us who are trying to raise lovely people.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 11, 2013

      Thank you!

      Reply

  2. Talon Windwalker
    September 10, 2013

    It is definitely a gift to support your child to be their own person.

    Reply

  3. David @ That Gay Backpacker
    September 7, 2013

    My parents just let me get on with it and never placed any restrictions on me. I was never told I couldn’t do something, be something, or wear something. I don’t know if it’s because of that or not, but I was basically the perfect child – I was top of my class throughout the whole of school, I was the first person in my family to go to university, I never acted up. If I had a little more guidance I think we might be less distant now and I might feel less restless – but I am grateful for knowing then and knowing now that they have no desire to mould me into something and are happy for me to just live my life as I see fit.

    Reply

  4. Amber
    September 7, 2013

    Free range parenting. I find this post amusing, satisfying, and intelligent! I was more or less raised with that same mothers values for a while and once I got a little freedom I took it and ran….very far. Give the kids some freedom to choose. Their choices usually surprise us.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 7, 2013

      I’ve seen that with many people. The ones who are forced into the tight little boxes often go quite wild once they’re finally let free.

      Reply

  5. Mariella
    September 7, 2013

    Great article, Talon – and I think not only valid for families between parents and children. You address a lot of issues that should be talked about between partners and even friends as well. Thanks!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 7, 2013

      Good point!

      Reply

  6. Shiv
    September 7, 2013

    I read the blog and I cringed at the slut shaming of these teenage girls. I agree a teen girl should not be taking, let alone sharing on the internet such provocative pictures of their bodies in a towel. There is still a big difference between expressing concern for poor choices and their consequences(which is what that is) AND labeling them a slutty slut who is looking to pervert the virgin minds of their helpless teen boys. Maybe it’s me but shaming these girls and blocking them is just going to perpetuate the most likely cause of these postings, self confidence and worth. Rather, if these girls had someone to further stress or reinforce to them the concept that they are beautiful and worthy of attention without revealing to the world wide web their uncovered breast, maybe they’d stop or at least give it a second thought.
    As to the boys, I agree with you Talon. Boys are going to have thoughts, feelings, desires regardless. Making the boys feel shamed because they see these images and have natural reactions probably causes more damage than letting them see the images in the first place. Wanting to protect your child is one thing but at some point, especially in the teen years, the boys have to learn to make well informed decisions. Ignoring or blocking these things will not stop them from happening. It is either going to create an adult who has great shame in dealing with this topic, an adult who overcompensates and ‘goes wild’ in rebellion, or an adult who can not handle making well informed decisions because they’ve never had the practical experience to do so.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 7, 2013

      So very true! I’ve worked with enough teens and young adults to see what happens to many of them who were raised by overprotective or warden-like parents. It isn’t pretty.

      Reply

  7. Yvonne
    September 7, 2013

    You make excellent points, and I agree with them all. However, when it comes to social media I want to be part of my daughter’s online life, not because I don’t trust her, but because I think it’s the best way to help her learn. I have no plans to make decisions for her. I have no plans to invade her privacy. But my girl is a lovely, sociable, open, and trusting child, and the Internet being the 12-headed monster it is and she being a kid, after all, I want to be involved. I hope it’s something we can have fun with together. <3

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 7, 2013

      I have no problem with being part of that life. It’s when parents extensively monitor their social media like this mother and decide who their kids can and can’t be Facebook friends with based solely on their photos that I take issue. There’s one thing to be included and be a part of what’s going on, and it’s quite another to treat your child like they’re a monitored inmate when they’ve done nothing to earn that treatment.

      Reply

  8. Heather Costaras
    September 7, 2013

    Couldn’t agree with you more, Talon. I remember there was a quote floating around that said something like: “We tell our girls how to not-get-raped instead of telling boys not to rape” and it’s SO pervasive in our culture, the idea that women and girls are the ones responsible for the feelings, thoughts and actions of men. I find the very idea SO insulting. I also think the mindset (that this woman seems to have) is equally insulting to men in general. The idea that if a man sees a woman naked… or wrapped in a towel… or catches a glimpse of her boob… is such an all-powerful experience to these feeble-minded men – that the image can’t be (in her words) “unseen”… and the woman in question will be forever viewed (by the male in question) as a sexual object… or in a sexual way. Wow. I think MEN should be hacked off at that insinuation. My husband sees me naked every day, and… (shock!) doesn’t need to keep averting his eyes from my image lest he be sucked into overwhelming sexual thoughts. Anyway…. I’d rant longer, but I have a dinner date with my hubby. Thanks for the rant. I resonate!!

    Reply

    • Bonne
      September 7, 2013

      Your so funny Heather.

      Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 7, 2013

      Thank you! It is highly insulting. And the mentality I think has deeper effects. There is all this talk about equal rights, women being paid the same as men for the same job, etc., but then I see this stuff and think No wonder! As long as women are seen only for the power of their sexuality, how can we expect them to receive better treatment.

      Reply

  9. Viv
    September 7, 2013

    “Underneath the lush terry cloth fabric, we know her bare breasts heave with each breath, her silky skin shuddering in seductive anticipation.”

    Crikey! Have you considered writing Harlequin romance books? You just might have a new writing endeavor in your future 😉

    LOVE your rant – very well put and brings up some excellent points for all parents to consider.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 7, 2013

      LOL! I actually do write erotic stories under a pen name. But probably not the stuff you’d like to read. 😉

      Reply

  10. Bonne
    September 6, 2013

    I say kudos to her. While I did read that particular blog – I don’t know what kind of discussions were going on in their home, how open and honest the communication is, is there a dad involved, if what mom says goes, if there is any parental restriction, are these random pictures or of females these boys know. I totally agree with her on the inappropriateness of asses sticking out to next week, shower fresh wrapped in a towel picture, etc. Too bad their parents aren’t as open with them. You make good points, but apparently my parenting style is more to her way. All in the interpretation. As for her nearly naked boys – didn’t do anything for me.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 6, 2013

      LOL! I’m glad the photos of her boys didn’t do anything for you considering they’re all minors. 😉

      I don’t see why a photo of someone wrapped in a towel is a big deal. You see more of someone’s body when they’re in a bathing suit. Again, I’m not attacking being against immodesty, but it was a major double standard, AND I resent the notion that those girls should be blamed for implanting anything but “pure and virtuous thoughts” in her boys’ mind.

      The photos are from friends of the boys, not just random photos.

      Reply

      • Bonne
        September 7, 2013

        Then I do agree even more so with the mother. Girls posting selfies of themselves in a towel, immodest clothing, even bra and panties, are offering themselves. I’d go a tiny different direction. I’d print the pictures out and invite the girls over to talk about them with my boys. If they still think that was the best way to show themselves, then I’d invite them and t heir parents over for dinner and have a talk about it. Prude? No. Maybe. Don’t care. Its not helicoptering, censoring, invasion of privacy. You can only do so much with your kids. Instilling morals, ethics, decency, and reputation is part of it. I will admit when my daughter went from 1 piece speedo suit (she was on the swim team) to a 2 piece, and was buying matching bras and panties, and tighter shirts – I was dismayed – but, don’t laugh, she was in college by then (18) and eventually married the young man she was dating at the time. She was mortified when I had a talk with her about spending all her free time at her boyfriends house while the parents were away – there was nothing they could do there that they couldn’t do anywhere else, yes I know. But others know and reputations get ruined from ..hmmmm..what are they doing over there without the parents around. I know it doesn’t stop anyone – didn’t me and I was pregnant at my high school graduation – she had her first baby at 31. I’d like to think that her mother/father put a little bug in her ear to be careful and think…his did too. But that is life in my Pollyanna world. I so enjoy your perspectives and the freedom to agree to disagree. Will be fun to see what comes up as Tigger grows. What a gift you have given that not so little anymore boy.

        Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        September 7, 2013

        As I’ve said, I have no problem with encouraging modesty. But I have a problem with it being one-sided. I have a problem with acting like all members of the male gender are so weak-minded that the slightest hint of cleavage will throw us into such disarray that all other brain function will cease.

        Reply

  11. Lauren Bassart
    September 6, 2013

    While I may not be a parent, I wholeheartedly stand by you in everything you touched upon here. Treating your child as a person (not an adult person, but a person nonetheless) and having open and sometimes uncomfortable conversations makes for a better relationship and a better more well-rounded, well-trusted, child. That will eventually yield a better, more well-rounded adult in the future.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 6, 2013

      Most definitely! It grates my nerves when I see parents treat their kids like property or like they’re completely clueless, untrustworthy brats when they’ve done nothing to earn that treatment.

      Reply

  12. Becky
    September 6, 2013

    Welp. As usual, I am on the fence here, in territory somewhere in the middle, like always. I am certainly no prude, and I have discussed sex with my kids, but there are places to draw lines. I don’t like to hear them cuss. Just don’t like that. I never whipped anybody, but they knew when they were in trouble and they would not have dared say a curse word in front of me, their dad, or their adult relatives. What they did in private, well, I don’t know about that, but I can tell you there was no cussing at our house. Manners. It’s manners. That’s all I cared about. I wanted them to behave well so they would never be uncomfortable in any setting.

    I love the way you are raising Stevie! Don’t get me wrong. But there’s some vast territory between your opinion and the opinion of that blogger. I would have torn my kid’s butt UP if she had ever posted pictures like some I see from a 13-year-old. But there is more neutral territory up there.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 6, 2013

      I feel like there’s a space between overbearing parent and using something as a good teaching moment. One of the things I strongly disagreed with about her post was putting the blame on the girls for how it might affect her boys and forcing them to block their friend because she posted a photo their mom didn’t approve of. Meanwhile she posted photos of her kids half naked.

      Reply

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