95 responses

  1. Carlos
    September 30, 2019

    I had my first Thai massage yesterday. I had no idea what I was walking into, and just thought it was a normal massage. I swear this older lady was using wrestling moves on me. I half expected a referee to pop into the room and start counting. My legs and back are so sore today. Never again.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 30, 2019

      It can be pretty brutal for sure!

      Reply

  2. Daniel Larsson
    December 30, 2018

    Came across this website for some reason. I absolutely love The thai massage, Sometimes even two a day for all my stays.

    That means 40-60 of them in total. All Kinds. I never feel better than after i get home.

    Thai massage means bending your body so you get more flexible. If you relax and do it at proper places… Then its very good.

    I would recommend anyone to do it more than once. But if you think thai massage is heavy, you should try the same With marble balls as added weight!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 30, 2018

      I’ll stick to Swedish with the occasional deep tissue. Thanks, though. LOL

      Reply

    • Ocean
      March 23, 2019

      I see I have stumbled across the Traditional Thai massage emergency room. I and many of you optimistically skipped into the chamber of pain not knowing what awaited us!

      Your description, is spot on with my experience this evening.

      LE PAIN!!!

      Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        March 23, 2019

        Wishing you a speedy recovery! 😉

        Reply

  3. Valerie
    August 2, 2018

    Being unable to sleep because, no matter which wsy I lay, my bum had a really deep ache I thought I would Google whether this was normal after a Thai massage and found your post. You did make me laugh as did many of the comments from readers as well as make me feel relatively lucky not to be in more pain.

    My friends and I excitedly treated ourselves to two hours feeling we deserved the pampering! We could hear out Thai friend screaming for her torture to stop and I am ashamed to say we all giggled saying her massage must be painful! I don’t know who we thought we were kidding as ours was excruciating too but being stubborn/stupid we weren’t about to give in and scream. TWO HOURS what were we thinking? Still waiting for my bum to stop aching and bruises to fade and for that feel good feeling to arrive! We are currently in Korat in NE Thailand and the talk is of trying another in Bangkok next week if we have recovered. Will take your advice about going to the temple – we will obviously be safe there!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      August 3, 2018

      TWO HOURS?! Yeah, that was NOT a wise decision. LOL!

      Reply

    • Patricia
      August 12, 2018

      Hi. Any kind of Massage should not have caused any pain or discomfort .

      I am a well experienced masssage therapist , you need to find the right one

      Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        August 12, 2018

        Swedish massage, which is what I requested, should be pain-free for sure. But many other types of massage do cause discomfort and pain depending on multiple factors.

        Reply

  4. Ressa m Blair
    April 11, 2018

    This was hilarious! I had my first Thai massage today…and am in pain. I have not belly laughed, since I don’t know when –it’s been that long. Thank you for that. You have a gift!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      April 11, 2018

      I’m so glad you had so much fun with the post! Good luck on the massage recovery. LOL

      Reply

  5. Mumma
    March 13, 2018

    I have a Thai massage every week here in Kununurra Western Australia and I love it. Yes, on occasions it hurts (like yesterdays did) but this morning I can walk straight and feel great again. They stretch all my muscles and keep me very active. I’m 67 and can still work full time comfortably due to my ongoing massages.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      March 13, 2018

      I’m glad you’ve had good experiences.

      Reply

  6. Jones
    December 16, 2017

    I had a Thailand message done in December 2017, still very sore days after…seeing a doctor on Monday after reading this article…

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 17, 2017

      Oh my goodness! Yours beat mine! Hope you’re OK quickly.

      Reply

  7. Grant Gabler
    November 30, 2017

    While I have always been a bit of a glutton for pain during “deep tissue massage,” I was gobsmacked on how a 50kg woman could have beaten me up so badly this morning during my 2-hour Thai massage (my first). I knew nothing about it when I ordered it.. It often had flavors of jiu-jitsu. Hours later I’m still f’d up. I had to Google this to find out what the deal is and found this post- I couldn’t say it any better. I will never forget her crazy laugh and the 3 times she said in a sadistic voice “no die, no die.” It was hilarious, brutal and beautiful.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 2, 2017

      I think I’d be a bit worried if she was saying that to me during the massage! Yikes! LOL

      Reply

  8. Carol Nutt
    September 23, 2017

    OMG. This made me laugh. I just came home from Thailand and I had no idea the amount of torture I was in for by asking for a Thai massage. Who woulda known….? I though all massage was nice, quiet and relaxing. Well holy hell was I ever wrong. I needed a safe word!! It was so incredibly painful(ly good.) 15 minutes in I was taking on the challenge… Should I stay or should I go!!! Well I endured the full 60 minutes but I didn’t want to. But I too, am a stubborn girl and won’t ever quit, bruises or not. And yes I had a track of bruises all up and down my butt cheeks. And to top it all off when I got done and sat up and really looked at her…SHE WAS A HE!! A strong lean skinny muscular HE!!! LOL

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 25, 2017

      Well, you sure got lots of Thai culture all in one event. lol

      Reply

  9. Michelle
    December 13, 2016

    Quite honestly, Thai massage is my absolute favorite massage! I have pretty significant neck and upper back pain. Before my first Thai massage, I was going for sports massages biweekly and they made only a slight difference. After my incredibly painful Thai massage, and the days of bruises and soreness after, I felt better than I’d felt in years – and it lasted almost six weeks! Now I am hooked and I pretty much won’t do any other kind of massage!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 15, 2016

      I’m glad it works so well for you, but it sure does sound like torture!

      Reply

  10. Alvin Unger
    October 16, 2016

    Like an idiot, I had 2 in a row…..24hrs apart. I’m 66 and my body is got some aches and pains. After th first I felt good. After th second ………..sore and tired legs. Third -fourth -fifth day I’m dealing w fevers. I think all th possible toxins are trying to get out. Last nite I had 6 cold showers. Now I’m shivering again. Do toxins cause a lot of grief? BTW…. we’re in Graz, Austria, …….4th week of a 3 month world trip. I can’t simply call my Doc. She’s sleeping.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      October 18, 2016

      I can’t imagine doing one much less back to back. Oh my!

      Reply

  11. Monica
    September 11, 2016

    Got my first Thai massage today… I started off telling my therapist that I was a Thai virgin, so she was relatively calm with me. Untill she discovered the knots in my back and neck, which is the root of my migraines… 4 hours later, I am stiff as can be, my kidneys feel a bit bruised, But I feel relaxed and calm. Booked another appointment for next Sunday!!! Oh, and she gave me a “sedative tea” after, to assist my body as well as migraines…

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      September 12, 2016

      Just wait until later. lol Sedative tea would’ve been awfully nice, though, especially after beating me up.

      Reply

  12. Renee
    July 11, 2016

    No I would never and I went to school for massage therapy

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      July 11, 2016

      I don’t understand why some people enjoy them.

      Reply

  13. Rae
    April 15, 2016

    Oh, my god, I’m still recovering from the Korean (no pain, no gain) massage I had yesterday. During my torture, I kept thinking ‘this must be what 50 Shades of Gray people like’. Atm, I don’t know whether to go back or not. Am really interested in the long term effects.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      April 17, 2016

      You couldn’t pay me to go through that again.

      Reply

  14. Ann
    January 16, 2016

    Today I endured 1.5 hours of painful torture in the hands of a tiny Asian woman that assured me that it was for my best – she was making a sacrifice for ME, She said she was giving me all her ,good, energy and taking all my bad! I searched the net to see if this kind of torture was normal and came across this post. I laughed so hard that I.m not sure what hurt more, the massage or the stitch I got from laughing so hard LOL I can’t believe that I actually booked another one in 5 days, this time a full body one. Strangely enough I actually do feel better… but I won’t know until I check for bruising tomorrow.. it will be a miracle if I don’t look like I have run over by a truck! Thank you so much for such an entertaining post 🙂

    Reply

    • Alexandra
      April 29, 2016

      My God!! I thought I was the only one!! Painful Thai “relaxing” massage last night. Firstly she started by saying, I am here for you be happy, you happy I happy.. OK! She absolutely killed me. Half the time I was questioning myself whether I walked in to the right place. Mind you, This was my first ever massage.. I have nothing to compare it to. However, I feel broken today I am in so much pain but I like it? I think I’ll go back but would like to try something more calming and relaxing. What kind of massages would you recommend? Thank you for the great post!

      Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        April 29, 2016

        This was your first massage?! Oh poor you for sure! Go for a Swedish relaxation massage or an oil massage. Those are the addicting ones.

        Reply

  15. laura p
    December 23, 2015

    After getting my very first thai massage yesterday, i wanted to review if my troubles were that of my personal experience or maybe i missed the part that they represent torture. Found your post and made me laugh my pain away. I guess i too totally missed the torture memo. I am still hurting and i keep checking if i have bruises. At 5’1 and 125 pounds, i wondered if i should probably try it again with someone closer to my weight. Hahaha

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      December 26, 2015

      The next day was the absolute worst. Glad my post helped you feel less alone in your misery. 😀

      Reply

  16. Lydell
    July 26, 2015

    This is so funny because it is true.

    Reply

  17. Clarisse
    May 27, 2015

    I am seriously dying of laughter. I am now extra curious about getting one while I’m here

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      May 27, 2015

      If you’re in Bangkok, do it at Wat Po. MUCH better there.

      Reply

  18. Tracey – Life Changing Year
    April 13, 2014

    My first and only Thai massage was at home in Australia. It was the most horrific 60 minutes of my life and was actually a birthday present (if you can call this torture a present!) I’m a bit stubborn too and made it to the end without weeping but it’s not something I ever wish to experience again! E.V.E.R.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      April 14, 2014

      You know it’s bad when you can feel their fingers pressing into you 12 hours later.

      Reply

  19. Val-This Way To Paradise
    April 13, 2014

    This was hysterical, but I love the way Thai massages cause me to actually feel my body. I tried getting a massage here in Italy that was the worst I’ve ever had. She was just gliding her hands over my body with no pressure at all. I kept asking for more but nothing. I personally can’t wait to have another Thai massage!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      April 14, 2014

      I much prefer a relaxing Swedish massage.

      Reply

  20. Raphael Alexander Zoren
    April 13, 2014

    After getting a haircut in India, the barber kindly offered me a “free massage”. Yes, it was basically torture as he flexed and almost broke all of my bones. I left him a big tip in order for him to stop :O

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      April 14, 2014

      Yowch!

      Reply

  21. Amy
    April 13, 2014

    Ah, I mistakenly walked in thinking it was going to be a lovely, relaxing experience. I even took three of the kids with me as a treat. Well! At least misery had company to commiserate afterwards. My son swears he will never get another massage.

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      April 14, 2014

      It wouldn’t have been so bad, I suppose, had I actually asked for a Thai massage, but I made it clear I wanted a Swedish! Your poor boys. Tigger only had a leg and foot massage while there, and he’s a fan.

      Reply

  22. T.W. Anderson @ Marginal Boundaries
    July 9, 2013

    FEEL THE PAIN!

    LOL that’s some brutal stuff, for sure! I love me some thai massage on my feet, though….no matter how much you brutalize my walkers, I’m a happy camper 🙂

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      July 9, 2013

      That WAS a great foot massage. Did that a few times at least while we were in Thailand.

      Reply

  23. Larissa
    March 11, 2013

    When in Chiang Mai I opted for the foot massage and pedicure, which were wonderful. After reading this, I’m glad I did!

    Reply

    • Talon Windwalker
      March 12, 2013

      It’s supposed to be less painful in Chiang Mai, but yeah probably wise decision. LOL

      Reply

  24. Cole @ FourJandals.com
    March 8, 2013

    I wonder if they are actually any good for you? Surely the after-effects most loosen your muscles after that sort of workout!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 9, 2013

      1-1/2 days later, yes. I did feel better. I actually felt my gait change and have been sleeping better. I’m sure the one they do up north, which is more like passive yoga, is probably even more helpful as it stretches and works on various meridians.

      Reply

      • Veronica Smithbower
        October 29, 2017

        Omg I know this post is old.. But I walked into an Eastern massage shop yesterday.. And my results were about the same as your story. And the eighteen wheeler feels like it’s parked on top of me! The bruises have already shown up. Never been in this much pain before. Never again! Then she demanded a $10 tip at the end for her torture session.

        Reply

      • Talon Windwalker
        October 29, 2017

        Whoa! Crazy!

        Reply

  25. Agness
    March 8, 2013

    Hahaha Talon This post just made my day, can’t stop laughing!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 9, 2013

      I’m so glad it provided you with some entertainment!

      Reply

  26. Bethaney – Flashpacker Family
    March 7, 2013

    I must be some kind of masocist because I really enjoy Thai massage… even when it hurts!! I find if I breathe out with the pressure they apply instead of tensing and fighting back it hurts a lot less. Maybe she was just a bit heavy handed (and kneed and elbowed) with you because you’re big and she thought you could take it? 😛

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 7, 2013

      I think she saw it as a personal challenge. LOL

      Reply

  27. RenegadePilgrim
    March 6, 2013

    When I was in Thailand, I had grand plans to get a massage…then I saw the bruises on one of the girls in my hostel and it scared me so bad I decided I didn’t care how cheap they were I wasn’t going to do it…I still have never had a massage…

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 6, 2013

      I’m really not surprised. I thought for sure I had bruises when I woke up in the middle of the night and could feel her elbow pressing against me still. No visible bruising, though.

      Reply

  28. Rich
    March 6, 2013

    Yeah I’ll try one. I have never had a Thai massage but when i get massages here I am constantly asking for them to go deeper. Hurts when it is being done but oh so good after.

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 6, 2013

      Oh, they’ll be more than happy to dig deep!

      Reply

  29. Alex
    March 5, 2013

    Pretty funny. A good rule of thumb for traveling in Thailand is that if you are going to get a massage, go to a local temple that offers massages. You’ll get fully trained masseuses who take the job seriously. You’ll see why so many of us love Thai massage and even consider it to be relaxing!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 6, 2013

      I would say she took it pretty seriously. LOL I’ve also heard that the technique differs between the north and the south, with that of the north being more relaxing and more like passive yoga.

      Reply

  30. Melanie Murrish
    March 5, 2013

    Took a yoga class for the first time last week, to break myself back into exercise “gently”! I couldn’t move two days after, but I am now 6’2″ LOL

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      HAHA! I should’ve measured myself after. I’m sure I gained some height as well.

      Reply

  31. Laurel @Capturing la Vita
    March 5, 2013

    That was hilarious! Loved the photos as a visual for it all!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Glad you enjoyed it!

      Reply

  32. Aaron @ Aaron’s Worldwide Adventures
    March 5, 2013

    Hilarious! I, for one, am a Thai massage ADDICT. Last time I was in Bangkok for 4 days and had 3 massages. Seriously. They’re the bomb! That said, it is definitely an acquired taste. You may want to try a massage at Wat Pho, which is supposedly the best in Bangkok (they run a training program) .

    Off subject slightly, but I tried a blind massage in China. As in, the masseuse was blind. It was rather interesting, as he had a box that I would announce how much time he had left. Still though, that was a more traditional massage. Couldn’t wait to get myself back to Thailand for more “massage torture!”

    Hope you do give Thai massage another shot though!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      I probably will, esp if it’s up north where the style is different. I did feel good after a couple of days, and I’ve noticed my gait has changed so it righted some things for me. Even if it did have me rethinking my choice later on. LOL

      I’ll have to check out the wat. Thanks for that.

      Reply

  33. Ryan @ Pause The Moment
    March 5, 2013

    This story resonates with me as I endured a massage from hell in Los Cabos, Mexico last year. It was my second time ever getting a swedish massage. The first was in St. Kitts and it was incredibly relaxing. Not this time! I had this older Mexican woman who was pummeling me, but, like you I refused to throw up the white flag. At one point she stopped the massage and when I looked back she whispered, “You okay?” “I strong!” as she flexed her bicep high in the air. WTF!?

    Massages are very hit or miss. Not to scare anyone but I met a guy on a press trip in Aruba that got injured during a massage in the Caribbean. The massage therapist actually injured some of the ligaments in his angle/lower leg so he had to walk around in a boot for a few months. I would have never even thought of the possibility of that happening before meeting him.

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Whoa! You have to be seriously negligent to injure someone like that. Holy crap!

      I think some of those old ladies enjoy showing how they can put a hurt on guys. LOL

      Reply

  34. cosmoHallitan
    March 5, 2013

    I got a traditional Thai massage, the kind where they bend you in impossible directions, in Chiang Mai and it was incredibly relaxing. Felt two inches taller afterwards! Then I got a deep-tissue oil massage on Koh Lanta and even though she was using only “medium pressure,” I had to keep myself from wincing. I definitely preferred the first one, though would do them both again. No pain, no gain!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      I’ve been told in the north it’s much more relaxing and like passive yoga. Down south tends to be more painful, and that’s where I was. Sounds like our folks were trained in the same school.

      Reply

  35. Alyson
    March 5, 2013

    No thanks, I’ll stick to the totally painless, maybe even relaxing, Thai bikini wax.

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      That just made me cross my legs.

      Reply

  36. wandering educators
    March 5, 2013

    NOPE.

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Where’s your sense of adventure? LOL

      Reply

  37. Steve
    March 5, 2013

    My first (and last) Thai massage was with a blind masseuse. He walked in and promptly knelt down, driving one knee heavily onto my nether regions. The rest of the massage wasn’t much less painful…

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Not to self: No massages from a blind masseuse. YIKES!

      Reply

  38. Melissa
    March 5, 2013

    “…slapping me literally upside the head.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Talon!! Hahahaha!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      I still laugh when I think about it.

      Reply

  39. TammyOnTheMove
    March 5, 2013

    “You big boy. I think you need two hour.” You gotta admire her diplomatic sales tactics. 😉

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Gotta love Asian frankness.

      Reply

  40. ITALIAN/Franca
    March 5, 2013

    We had a Thai massage in Chiang Mai and your description is pretty detailed, however I think the lady that did it to me was more ‘gentle’ that the guy who did it to Dale. In fact Dale ended up having a very bad lower back pain for 2/3 days at least.
    Not having had a Thai massage before, we weren’t sure if it was supposed to be like that or not, but after reading your post we have the confirmation. 🙂

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Wow, how’d you get so lucky as to be spared? LOL

      Reply

  41. Kevin Revolinski
    March 5, 2013

    Oh man, I feel your pain. No, seriously, I do. And will again this week, for about $9. It’s like yoga for the lazy, and prepares me to resist giving away government secrets if I’m ever held indefinitely in a black site.

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Definitely good practice for that. I’ve been told that in the north it’s less painful and more relaxing.

      Reply

  42. Danielle Blanchette
    March 5, 2013

    HAHAHAHAHA…i so want to get a real thai massage, but im also kind of a masochist.

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Right up your alley, Dani. LOL

      Reply

  43. Patti
    March 5, 2013

    And you paid for such fun?!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      That’s what I kept asking myself. LOL

      Reply

  44. Hogga
    March 5, 2013

    LOL!

    Reply

    • Talon
      March 5, 2013

      Glad you enjoyed that. 🙂

      Reply

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